I am in a funk. There is really no other word to describe it. In the last 3 weeks I have had 2 ear infections, a sinus infection, and a nasty flu. My kids have had migraines, fever, flu symptoms, cold symptoms, and the baby had severe diarrhea which always comes with my favorite thing in the world....diaper rash. Doesn't paint a pretty picture I know, but such is my life.
I know this doesn't all fit together now, but bear with me because it will. About maybe 3 weeks ago, there was this new guy at church. During praise and worship, he was getting down for God! He gave his testimony in church after I shared my concern about my grandma's health and asked for prayer (she has been battling cancer now for about 5 years and recently decided to stop taking chemo). He told me that I should be encouraged. Everyone prayed for grandma. After church he came and handed me this card and then walked away. It talked about God always being there and drawing strength from Him in difficult times.
I didn't really think too much of it. I thought he was just being friendly. A friend of mine from church text me and said that this guy seemed like someone who could be my husband. Really? He was good looking and all and I noticed him but it wasn't like an "oh baby" kind of notice. I prayed about it. Cut to about 2 weeks later. A really good friend of mine invited the kids and I to this cookout thing where there were paddle boats, tree houses, go carts, golf carts, and a huge playground. We had the whole area to ourselves. It was so fun! Turned out, the guy was there. Since the kids knew him from church, they were playing with him and he was taking them on go carts and things. I decided to take the baby for a walk in the stroller so him and all the kids went with us. We visited and told each other about our walk with God. During our outing, the boys both fell and scraped up their knees so I played Dr. Mom when we got back. It was sweet.
He made it a point to sit next to me and help me with little things with the kiddos. He asked if I would take his phone number so if I ever needed any help around the house I could call him. I took it down and then said, "Do you want my number too?" He smiled and said, "Yes, can I have it please?" Oh, okay. I finally understood that he was interested. I didn't realize it because he never looked me up and down, tried to touch me, or even said, "Hey baby" which is what I am used to. He was a Godly man trying to politely show interest in a Godly woman. What? This is all new territory to me!
Over the next few days he called and text me. He made clear that he wanted to pursue me. I told him that I needed to pray about it and talk to my pastors, who are also my spiritual mother and father. I explained that I had been through a few bad relationships and felt that the Lord had put my Christian friends in my path for a reason and I was going to utilize their advice. He was completely okay with it. It still was weird for me that it was all completely appropriate! I laid all my cards on the table and even told him that I had made the decision to wait until I was married to have sex. He said he respected me for that and that it wasn't all about sex for him anyway.
Right after this, I got sick. I stayed sick for a more than a week. I text him to let him know that I wasn't ignoring him, I just currently could not talk and breathe at the same time. His response was, "Thank you for thinking of me. God bless." Hmmm.....okay. I was too sick to wonder about it much. After a week of sinus and ear infections, I got the flu. It sucked! There is no other word for it! In the middle of all this, I was praying about it and talked to friends about it. I felt a definite, "No". Not because he was a bad guy or anything, far from it. We are just on different paths right now. I hadn't had a chance to tell the guy yet since I had been so sick. I was kind of dreading it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.
I made it to church on that Wednesday night and he was there.....holding hands with another girl. In my church. He never said a word to me. Maybe he didn't know what to say? I don't know for sure. What I do know, is that it was extremely awkward. I go to a very small, very close-knit church. Need I say more? Everyone didn't know that he had made his intentions clear, but enough people did. Yeah, weirdness's. It didn't bother me that he was with someone else. I wasn't in love with the man nor did I have any claim on him. I just felt that it would have been courteous to let me know, "Hey, I met someone and we are dating" or whatever. Not because he owes me anything, but it would be the adult thing to do.
I decided to let it go, besides I didn't really have time to dwell in it since now the kids were sick. I was busy cleaning up puke and diarrhea, dealing with fevers, headaches and nightmares. Needless to say, none of us were sleeping well for a few weeks. I'm happy to report that we are all 100% healthy, other than this lingering cough that I have. I was looking forward to going to church yesterday since we had missed Sunday with the baby being sick. We went and ate supper at McDonald's and were actually going to be early for a change but when we went to get back in the car I noticed a completely flat tire. Thankfully, a really nice guy on his lunch break changed it for me. I told my daughter, "Well, this is what we get for trying to be early to church." She giggled, "It doesn't matter Mom. We are always late!" Even the good Samaritan laughed at that one!
I got to church and you will never guess who was there....that guy with his new girlfriend. We sat down and I had a hard time concentrating. Why the heck did he bring her to church again? Didn't he prove his point? My goodness, this is kind of a slap in the face. Why can't he go to his church? Why does he have to bring her MY church?! I left there very frustrated. I was thinking, "Geez, maybe I just won't come to church on Wednesday nights anymore. What's the point when I can't even focus on the Word because of my anger? See, this is why I think it's easier to just not date or even think about being pursued by anyone. I don't have time for this crap!" I was falling into the same trap I had lived in for the last 4 years.
Funnily enough, a really awesome friend that I haven't talked to in almost 2 years contacted me again and I just spilled my guts to her. It was so good to talk to her! I told her what was bothering me and she said, "Why is this bothering you so much? I was reading your blog and see how big your faith is and how much God has done for you this year. Man you even went to Mexico on a mission trip! Is this really such a big deal?" We kept talking and I kept venting but it got me thinking. Then, I got a text from my spiritual mama. She said that gratefulness is our best weapon. I should be grateful that God protected my heart when he was not THE man that He had planned for me. He is not a bad guy at all, just not my guy. After all, he was very respectful and didn't cross any boundaries with me. Besides, she said, now that he is out of the way he has made room for the hunka hunka burning love that God has in store for me! Heehee! She has such a good way of putting things!
Being that frustrated about it was not really a good response. I still feel like he should have let me know, but he made no promises to me. Plus, I don't feel like it was a coincidence that I had met this guy, started praying about what to do, and then got distracted by sickness and wasn't in the right frame of mind when I saw him again. God was faithful to protect my heart and tell me no before I got involved with him. God is sooo good!! I feel much better about it now. So what if I don't have my husband yet. He is coming. And he will definitely be worth the wait. I am grateful for you, Lord, for being my maker and husband. You hold my heart until You choose to give it to someone else. I know You have a specific man in mind and I am more than willing to wait! Thank you for protection. And thank you for laying on my heart to seek You and Your decision for my future. Thank you for putting awesome, positive people in my life to help me along the way. Gee whiz, am I blessed or what?
Like my Aunt says, I'm too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!
Friday, July 30, 2010
Friday, July 16, 2010
Belly Laughs are good for the soul!
This is not going to be a typical blog at all. You know how I have said time and time again that when you have kids like mine you don't need TV? They are entertainment in themselves! There have been several silly things happen that I just have to share with you. You will get a good chuckle, and maybe even a few belly laughs. My kids drive me to tears from laughter on a daily basis, and they don't even mean to! So, here you go....
I got a phone call that they were looking for placement in a foster home for a 14 month old little girl. I was so excited! A baby?! That hardly ever happens! Of course I jumped on that chance. I am so blessed!
Anyway, I picked her up for the first time and met her parents. It was a Wednesday when I got her so of course we went to church that night. My pastors had been expecting us because I had told them about getting her and how excited I was. I was late coming in, as usual. I walked up to my place in the front. They had just started praise and worship. They stopped and said, "Look everyone! Hannah has a new little foster girl." I turned around and said, "Isn't she cute? Tell everybody hi.." and this precious little girl turned and looked at me, and threw up all over me. Not just a little baby spit up either. It was like the excorcist! I have never seen that much puke come out of something that little! It was a kodak moment! Everyone said, "Oh!" I walked back up the aisle with the baby in my arms. Mama's followed me to help clean us up and we left a trail of puke up the sanctuary. I laughed. We got cleaned up and stayed and worshiped. I will never forget that moment as long as I live!
One evening at the dinner table, the kids were talking. I had served them their plates, said Grace, and then I sat down with my plate. It was 'choose what you want to eat' night. The kids were eating mini-corndogs and I was eating a yummy stir fry. My 3 year old fosterson says, "Mom, what is that? Why aren't you eating corndogs too?" My 9 year old daughter informs him, "She is on a diet. But she calls it a lifestyle change but really it's a diet. She is eating healthier. He looks at me quizzically. My 6 year old foster son says, "That doesn't sound like fun. Is eating healthy yummy?" My 3 year old says, "Of course it isn't fun. That doesn't look good." My daughter says, "Just wait until you are older. You will be on a diet too." He replies, "Yeah, you go on a diet and then you die." My 14 month old fosterdaughter and 6 year old foster son look at me in horror. I am laughing so hard I can hardly reply. "No, honestly guys I wanted the stirfry. It's good!" They all looked at me skeptically. My youngest son stage whispers to his brother, "See, she can't even say that without laughing!"
This is another prime example of meal time at the Hannah house...We were all enjoying our pancakes one morning. The kids were talking about things that they would like to try. My oldest son says he would like to be a girl sometimes because he thinks it would be fun to do a makeover. My daughter says that sometimes she wants to be a boy because sometimes the get to go around with no shirts on. My youngest son looks at me and says, "Mom, I want to be a man. I want to be a big black man." I looked at the baby in her high chair to see if she had anything to add. She says, "Ohhhh!" I laughed so hard I choked on the bacon.
Yesterday, my daughter and I were at home alone. The boys were at the babysitter, and my youngest girl was on a visit. I was back in my pajamas laying on the couch, trying to get over this summer crud I seem to have caught. She decided she wanted to watch 'Cheaper by the Dozen'. After a particularly hectic scene with all those kids, I turned to my daughter and said, "Honey look! Before too long that will be us!" She looked at me in sheer horror. "Mom, are you serious?" I laughed so hard that I coughed, sneezed, and blew snot all over my blanket. How's that for a mental image? I think I gave my daughter her first gray hair!
This is only 4 things that have tickled my funny bone. I have so many, they could fill a whole book! You know, life is too short to not have a good laugh every now and then. I hope you had a few reading this.
I got a phone call that they were looking for placement in a foster home for a 14 month old little girl. I was so excited! A baby?! That hardly ever happens! Of course I jumped on that chance. I am so blessed!
Anyway, I picked her up for the first time and met her parents. It was a Wednesday when I got her so of course we went to church that night. My pastors had been expecting us because I had told them about getting her and how excited I was. I was late coming in, as usual. I walked up to my place in the front. They had just started praise and worship. They stopped and said, "Look everyone! Hannah has a new little foster girl." I turned around and said, "Isn't she cute? Tell everybody hi.." and this precious little girl turned and looked at me, and threw up all over me. Not just a little baby spit up either. It was like the excorcist! I have never seen that much puke come out of something that little! It was a kodak moment! Everyone said, "Oh!" I walked back up the aisle with the baby in my arms. Mama's followed me to help clean us up and we left a trail of puke up the sanctuary. I laughed. We got cleaned up and stayed and worshiped. I will never forget that moment as long as I live!
One evening at the dinner table, the kids were talking. I had served them their plates, said Grace, and then I sat down with my plate. It was 'choose what you want to eat' night. The kids were eating mini-corndogs and I was eating a yummy stir fry. My 3 year old fosterson says, "Mom, what is that? Why aren't you eating corndogs too?" My 9 year old daughter informs him, "She is on a diet. But she calls it a lifestyle change but really it's a diet. She is eating healthier. He looks at me quizzically. My 6 year old foster son says, "That doesn't sound like fun. Is eating healthy yummy?" My 3 year old says, "Of course it isn't fun. That doesn't look good." My daughter says, "Just wait until you are older. You will be on a diet too." He replies, "Yeah, you go on a diet and then you die." My 14 month old fosterdaughter and 6 year old foster son look at me in horror. I am laughing so hard I can hardly reply. "No, honestly guys I wanted the stirfry. It's good!" They all looked at me skeptically. My youngest son stage whispers to his brother, "See, she can't even say that without laughing!"
This is another prime example of meal time at the Hannah house...We were all enjoying our pancakes one morning. The kids were talking about things that they would like to try. My oldest son says he would like to be a girl sometimes because he thinks it would be fun to do a makeover. My daughter says that sometimes she wants to be a boy because sometimes the get to go around with no shirts on. My youngest son looks at me and says, "Mom, I want to be a man. I want to be a big black man." I looked at the baby in her high chair to see if she had anything to add. She says, "Ohhhh!" I laughed so hard I choked on the bacon.
Yesterday, my daughter and I were at home alone. The boys were at the babysitter, and my youngest girl was on a visit. I was back in my pajamas laying on the couch, trying to get over this summer crud I seem to have caught. She decided she wanted to watch 'Cheaper by the Dozen'. After a particularly hectic scene with all those kids, I turned to my daughter and said, "Honey look! Before too long that will be us!" She looked at me in sheer horror. "Mom, are you serious?" I laughed so hard that I coughed, sneezed, and blew snot all over my blanket. How's that for a mental image? I think I gave my daughter her first gray hair!
This is only 4 things that have tickled my funny bone. I have so many, they could fill a whole book! You know, life is too short to not have a good laugh every now and then. I hope you had a few reading this.
Monday, July 5, 2010
Deodorant is not for eating!
I was going to write more about the trip but there has been a change of plans. We are going to take a slight detour.
Things are always crazy at my house, but more so than usual in the last few weeks. My two foster boys are 3 years and 6 years old and they are brothers. Their visits with their Mom changed to longer days, and they had specific behaviors as a result of it. They had family court and decided that after only 1 week, they needed to go back to just a few hours at a time. On top of that, I had two teenage girls stay at my house for respite for a week. We know these girls, but it was still new people in the house.
As a result of all of these changes, my youngest son has been acting out like crazy. He has been kicking, yelling, throwing things, throwing himself on the floor, talking back, arguing, and bullying the other kids. Did I mention he is only 3? Needless to say, it has been a lot to take in. I mean, I understand why he is doing it. He is so confused he doesn't even know which way is up. He is getting bounced around like crazy, told one thing and then another thing happens. He feels like he has no control and he doens't know how to take it. He dosen't have a choice.
Last week was the height of all this activity. He was being super deifiant, rolling his eyes and saying, "Fine, geez!" anytime I ask him to do something. No, I'm being completely serious! I couldn't make this stuff up. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that his body had been taken over by a moody teenage girl that was PMSing. No joke.
A week ago today, I was sitting on the couch with all the kids watching a movie. My youngest son was sitting on the floor playing. He looked up at me and said, "Can I play outside?" "No, we are watching a movie right now." He frowned at me. "But I don't want to watch a movie." I looked down at him. "Honey, we are having a little family togetherness right now. I want you to stay in the house with us." He stuck his bottom lip out at me, picked up a blue crayon off the floor and proceeded to color the couch with it, right underneath where I was sitting. I sat there for a second in disbelief before I sprang into action. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!! YOU ARE SPENDING THE REST OF THE EVENING IN YOUR ROOM!!" With that, I shut his bedroom door.
As if that wasn't enough, after an hour he comes out of his room and says, "Mom, I need to wipe off my tongue." I thought it was a ploy to get out of his room. "What is on your tongue?" I got a little closer to him and saw a soap-like substance on his mouth. "What did you get into?" He started at me as if I was stupid. "You NEED to tell me what you ate! It's important, it could make you sick!" He took me into his bedroom and showed me that he had eaten a whole stick of deoderant that his brother had left on his dresser. I asked him why he ate it and his response was, "Because I was mad I had to stay in my room." What am I supposed to do with that?!
So, I helped him to get some water in his mouth and spit. I had him lay down on his bed and I had to call the emergency number for my foster parenting agency to let them know that he had eaten deoderant. They advised me to call Poison Control. I called them and they said he should be okay but to check on him and call them back in an hour. They were concerned since they had never heard of a kid eating a whole stick of deoderant, just a bite and then spitting it out. He was fine. I was not.
I could not believe that he did that! The whole time I was on the phone I was so irritated!! Who does that? Who eats deoderant when they are mad? Who colors on the couch, right underneath their unbelieving mother? This kid must love to be in trouble! I had no clue where to go from here. He is a strong-willed child to be sure and those kind of children are difficult to raise. I wanted to call my Mom so bad! I have tried everything....grounding from TV and outside, taking away toys to the point that he didn't have any in his room anymore, taking away desserts, making him stay in his room, having him go to bed early, sitting in the naughty spot, even taking away fun activities. What else can I do? I cannot spank him, which is sometimes difficult because when push comes to shove I will spank my daughter. You can't spank foster kids though. They do not know the difference between abuse and discipline.
I seriously thought he had lost his ever loving mind. I needed a break. I called my case manager and asked her if he could go to respite for a few days so I could collect my bearings. He went to stay with a family that has become close to my heart. They are an awesome and God loving couple and they love my boys. I had told the wife the situation and she said she would reinforce that he needs to treat me with respect and try to figure out if there is anything that is behind his behaviors, other than the obvious.
After he left, I felt relief. I had been walking on eggshells for a while. That night I went to bed and I prayed, "Lord, I need some Divine strategy. I know that my son is in my home for a purpose. You put him here. I don't know what to do with him anymore. Can you help me please? Put in me what is going to help him get through this rough time, Father. Help me to reach him. I know he is only acting this way to me because he knows I will always be there so he can unleash his anger and frustration on me. I have been there through the ups and downs. I feel like he is trying to make me mad so I will lose it. I don't want that and I know you don't either. Please, restore the peace in my home and help me to help him."
A few days later I went to get him and he was doing the same things. I didn't react to it. I just kept thinking about the stupid things I did after my Mom died. I had just got divorced but didn't really want to be alone. My solution to that? I became a serial dater. Oh, I didn't sleep with any of them but I dated a lot. Like maybe 15 people in 6 months. I never really could make it past the 3rd date. I even had a system if I was bored with the date. I would have my sister in law call about 30 minutes in. If I wanted to get out of there, I would pretend that she was calling because my daughter had hurt herself and I needed to leave. Isn't that horrible?Maybe he really doesn't know why he is acting out. I didn't. I didn't want anyone to get too close to me, but I didn't want to be unattached either. Needless to say, I got over that. I haven't been on a date in 3 years. No, I didn't go from one extreme to another. I'm just waiting for God to send me the right one.
We all went to bed that night and I walked through the house praying. I pled the blood of Jesus over my home and children. I prayed warring angels to protect them through the night. I demanded that anything not of my Father to leave. This is my sanctuary. I literally prayed heaven down over my home and children. Then, I went to bed myself. I woke up the next morning with a new strategy. I was going to win my son over with praise. I felt like he was just trying to get my attention, so I was going to give it to him. I was going to let him know that I see him, and I love him.
At this point, he was throwing fits about everything. I would ask him to put his plate in the sink and he would throw himself down. So I started with little things. "Honey, you shut that door! Thank you for that! That made me so happy!! Give me a high five!" "Oh, look! You buckled your seat belt! Good job! Look how big you are!" Yeah, sounds corny right? But, it worked! This morning you know what I said? "Wowie! You made your bed and I didn't even ask you to?!! That's incredible honey! My heart is so big and happy right now!" He gave me a little giggle and huge little boy grin that made my heart soar. All he wanted to know was that I notice him. He wanted to know in his heart that I love him. Actions speak louder than words, at least that's how I feel. I showed him by clapping and dancing around like a mad woman when he did the smallest thing that was positive, even if it was just shutting the door behind himself without slamming it.
It has been only 3 days since he got back from respite, one week since the deoderant incident. Things are going amazing. The big test was tonight. We went to a resteraunt and had to wait 45 minutes for our food. It really was rediculous. There were 3 adults and 6 kids there and my youngest son was the best behaved of us all. He didn't yell or complain or run around. He didn't even roll his eyes! He just sat there. In fact, I got irritated and said how frustrating it was that we were having to wait so long. He said, "Mom, don't worry. They are working on it." On the way home, he was singing 'He is jealous for me' at the top of his lungs. I didn't even have the radio on. How's about them apples?
See, God does care about even the little things. He cares that I was at my breaking point with my son. He heard my cries of frustration and helped. Let me tell you, there is no way I could have come up with that one on my own! My Father knew exactly what my son needed. Thank you Lord for being the master of my home! Thank you for always listening to me. There is no way I could make it through the day without Your grace and love. Thank you for putting in me to love these foster children right past their pain and anger to the core of their little hearts. Thank you for using me as a vessle to heal their emotional wounds and give them a childhood. Thank you God, for loving me the same way. You know, I can freely give these kids this love only because it was given to me. God healed me of my pain and hurt. He stitched me right back together and gave me a purpose. What the enemy intended for my destruction, my Father and redeemer used it for good. How else could I relate to these kids?
Okay....a little side note here. I just had to let you guys know that my brood has increased. I already have my daughter who is 9, my foster sons who are 3 and 6. A few days ago I got a 14 month old little girl! Yay! She is so precious and the happiest little thing you have ever met. She may even be a better baby than my daughter was, and that's saying something! Shhh, don't tell her I said that! In case you have lost count, that is 4 children I have. They are thinking about placing one more with me at the end of the month and then I will be all full up. Can you believe it? Isn't God so good? My home is bursting at the seams with love and children. Does life get much better than this?
Things are always crazy at my house, but more so than usual in the last few weeks. My two foster boys are 3 years and 6 years old and they are brothers. Their visits with their Mom changed to longer days, and they had specific behaviors as a result of it. They had family court and decided that after only 1 week, they needed to go back to just a few hours at a time. On top of that, I had two teenage girls stay at my house for respite for a week. We know these girls, but it was still new people in the house.
As a result of all of these changes, my youngest son has been acting out like crazy. He has been kicking, yelling, throwing things, throwing himself on the floor, talking back, arguing, and bullying the other kids. Did I mention he is only 3? Needless to say, it has been a lot to take in. I mean, I understand why he is doing it. He is so confused he doesn't even know which way is up. He is getting bounced around like crazy, told one thing and then another thing happens. He feels like he has no control and he doens't know how to take it. He dosen't have a choice.
Last week was the height of all this activity. He was being super deifiant, rolling his eyes and saying, "Fine, geez!" anytime I ask him to do something. No, I'm being completely serious! I couldn't make this stuff up. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that his body had been taken over by a moody teenage girl that was PMSing. No joke.
A week ago today, I was sitting on the couch with all the kids watching a movie. My youngest son was sitting on the floor playing. He looked up at me and said, "Can I play outside?" "No, we are watching a movie right now." He frowned at me. "But I don't want to watch a movie." I looked down at him. "Honey, we are having a little family togetherness right now. I want you to stay in the house with us." He stuck his bottom lip out at me, picked up a blue crayon off the floor and proceeded to color the couch with it, right underneath where I was sitting. I sat there for a second in disbelief before I sprang into action. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!! YOU ARE SPENDING THE REST OF THE EVENING IN YOUR ROOM!!" With that, I shut his bedroom door.
As if that wasn't enough, after an hour he comes out of his room and says, "Mom, I need to wipe off my tongue." I thought it was a ploy to get out of his room. "What is on your tongue?" I got a little closer to him and saw a soap-like substance on his mouth. "What did you get into?" He started at me as if I was stupid. "You NEED to tell me what you ate! It's important, it could make you sick!" He took me into his bedroom and showed me that he had eaten a whole stick of deoderant that his brother had left on his dresser. I asked him why he ate it and his response was, "Because I was mad I had to stay in my room." What am I supposed to do with that?!
So, I helped him to get some water in his mouth and spit. I had him lay down on his bed and I had to call the emergency number for my foster parenting agency to let them know that he had eaten deoderant. They advised me to call Poison Control. I called them and they said he should be okay but to check on him and call them back in an hour. They were concerned since they had never heard of a kid eating a whole stick of deoderant, just a bite and then spitting it out. He was fine. I was not.
I could not believe that he did that! The whole time I was on the phone I was so irritated!! Who does that? Who eats deoderant when they are mad? Who colors on the couch, right underneath their unbelieving mother? This kid must love to be in trouble! I had no clue where to go from here. He is a strong-willed child to be sure and those kind of children are difficult to raise. I wanted to call my Mom so bad! I have tried everything....grounding from TV and outside, taking away toys to the point that he didn't have any in his room anymore, taking away desserts, making him stay in his room, having him go to bed early, sitting in the naughty spot, even taking away fun activities. What else can I do? I cannot spank him, which is sometimes difficult because when push comes to shove I will spank my daughter. You can't spank foster kids though. They do not know the difference between abuse and discipline.
I seriously thought he had lost his ever loving mind. I needed a break. I called my case manager and asked her if he could go to respite for a few days so I could collect my bearings. He went to stay with a family that has become close to my heart. They are an awesome and God loving couple and they love my boys. I had told the wife the situation and she said she would reinforce that he needs to treat me with respect and try to figure out if there is anything that is behind his behaviors, other than the obvious.
After he left, I felt relief. I had been walking on eggshells for a while. That night I went to bed and I prayed, "Lord, I need some Divine strategy. I know that my son is in my home for a purpose. You put him here. I don't know what to do with him anymore. Can you help me please? Put in me what is going to help him get through this rough time, Father. Help me to reach him. I know he is only acting this way to me because he knows I will always be there so he can unleash his anger and frustration on me. I have been there through the ups and downs. I feel like he is trying to make me mad so I will lose it. I don't want that and I know you don't either. Please, restore the peace in my home and help me to help him."
A few days later I went to get him and he was doing the same things. I didn't react to it. I just kept thinking about the stupid things I did after my Mom died. I had just got divorced but didn't really want to be alone. My solution to that? I became a serial dater. Oh, I didn't sleep with any of them but I dated a lot. Like maybe 15 people in 6 months. I never really could make it past the 3rd date. I even had a system if I was bored with the date. I would have my sister in law call about 30 minutes in. If I wanted to get out of there, I would pretend that she was calling because my daughter had hurt herself and I needed to leave. Isn't that horrible?Maybe he really doesn't know why he is acting out. I didn't. I didn't want anyone to get too close to me, but I didn't want to be unattached either. Needless to say, I got over that. I haven't been on a date in 3 years. No, I didn't go from one extreme to another. I'm just waiting for God to send me the right one.
We all went to bed that night and I walked through the house praying. I pled the blood of Jesus over my home and children. I prayed warring angels to protect them through the night. I demanded that anything not of my Father to leave. This is my sanctuary. I literally prayed heaven down over my home and children. Then, I went to bed myself. I woke up the next morning with a new strategy. I was going to win my son over with praise. I felt like he was just trying to get my attention, so I was going to give it to him. I was going to let him know that I see him, and I love him.
At this point, he was throwing fits about everything. I would ask him to put his plate in the sink and he would throw himself down. So I started with little things. "Honey, you shut that door! Thank you for that! That made me so happy!! Give me a high five!" "Oh, look! You buckled your seat belt! Good job! Look how big you are!" Yeah, sounds corny right? But, it worked! This morning you know what I said? "Wowie! You made your bed and I didn't even ask you to?!! That's incredible honey! My heart is so big and happy right now!" He gave me a little giggle and huge little boy grin that made my heart soar. All he wanted to know was that I notice him. He wanted to know in his heart that I love him. Actions speak louder than words, at least that's how I feel. I showed him by clapping and dancing around like a mad woman when he did the smallest thing that was positive, even if it was just shutting the door behind himself without slamming it.
It has been only 3 days since he got back from respite, one week since the deoderant incident. Things are going amazing. The big test was tonight. We went to a resteraunt and had to wait 45 minutes for our food. It really was rediculous. There were 3 adults and 6 kids there and my youngest son was the best behaved of us all. He didn't yell or complain or run around. He didn't even roll his eyes! He just sat there. In fact, I got irritated and said how frustrating it was that we were having to wait so long. He said, "Mom, don't worry. They are working on it." On the way home, he was singing 'He is jealous for me' at the top of his lungs. I didn't even have the radio on. How's about them apples?
See, God does care about even the little things. He cares that I was at my breaking point with my son. He heard my cries of frustration and helped. Let me tell you, there is no way I could have come up with that one on my own! My Father knew exactly what my son needed. Thank you Lord for being the master of my home! Thank you for always listening to me. There is no way I could make it through the day without Your grace and love. Thank you for putting in me to love these foster children right past their pain and anger to the core of their little hearts. Thank you for using me as a vessle to heal their emotional wounds and give them a childhood. Thank you God, for loving me the same way. You know, I can freely give these kids this love only because it was given to me. God healed me of my pain and hurt. He stitched me right back together and gave me a purpose. What the enemy intended for my destruction, my Father and redeemer used it for good. How else could I relate to these kids?
Okay....a little side note here. I just had to let you guys know that my brood has increased. I already have my daughter who is 9, my foster sons who are 3 and 6. A few days ago I got a 14 month old little girl! Yay! She is so precious and the happiest little thing you have ever met. She may even be a better baby than my daughter was, and that's saying something! Shhh, don't tell her I said that! In case you have lost count, that is 4 children I have. They are thinking about placing one more with me at the end of the month and then I will be all full up. Can you believe it? Isn't God so good? My home is bursting at the seams with love and children. Does life get much better than this?
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