I know you have been waiting patiently so here it is, the first one of my blogs about my Mexico trip. It is hard to believe that I have been back now for 3 weeks. It was such an incredible time. I felt like I stretched my faith muscles. As necessary as it is for God to work on you like that from time to time, it can also be a very painful thing. I really hope that after hearing some of my experiences that it will encourage you to step out in faith and do a little mission work too. Everyone can do at least short-term missions. I was there for only a week. Hey, if I can do it, you better believe that you can too!
I knew when I first found out about this trip that it was going to be pretty amazing and life-changing for me. First of all, I was going to be going by myself. Don't get me wrong, I was going with other team members but I wasn't going to be going with any of my kids. My daughter is 9 years old. It has been at least that long since I have gone more than 2 days without her. Plus, I have been doing fostercare for more than a year now. So I have had at least 3 kids pretty much always around me for the last year. I am a Mom. It's what I do. I'm more than that but that is the season that I am in right now. Being away from all of them for a week was a little exciting, but mostly frightening.
Would they be okay? Would they think that I was leaving them forever? All my kids have issues that makes them scared that I might die or just leave and they would be alone. Even my daughter. They have all had important people in their lives leave them at a critical time. I had known about the mission trip since January so I had time to pray over them and talk it up to them. I assured them that I would be okay, a weeks not that long, nothing will happen to me. I'm not who I was reassuring the most, them or me. My neice called me about a week before I left and asked if it would be possible for them to hire an armed guard to be around me at all times. How precious is that? I told them all that I would be perfectly safe. I was going to a safe area, and wouldn't ever go anywhere by myself.
Even after all that, my kids were acting crazy the week before I left. Oh, they act crazy a good portion of the time, but they were working over time! I knew why. They were anxious and worried. Even though I knew that, it was hard to deal with because my own anxiety level was pretty high. I was worried about them, worried that they were feeling abandoned. I knew I probably would in their shoes. I had a tough one with that. We all prayed together as a family to get through it.
Then on the other hand, I had people who I know and love who thought I was crazy for going in the first place. 'You're a single mom, you have foster kids, you can't afford to take off work, why don't you do mission trips in the US.....the list goes on and on. My response was, "I have to go where God calls me. I'm nervous, but I'm excited. I have plans for my boys to stay at respite and my daughter is staying with my brother and his wife and then later going to my friends house. They are all excited that I get this opprotunity. Don't you want me to have this experience?" They looked at me kind of funny, but didn't bring it up again. Most of these people are not believers, or at least not a sold-out believer like I am. I will go where He sends me. Period, end of story. It was difficult to deal with at first but as the time got closer, I got more excited and it didn't bother me anymore.
The night before I left, all 4 of us slept in the living room. I was up late packing and then had a hard time sleeping. I prayed my way through it and finally slept about 4 hours. We all got up, the kids went to school after lots of hugs and kisses. I drove to Sterling to see my Grandma before I left. She is kind of my surrogate Mom. The loss of my mom was easier for us both because we could lean on one anotherin our greif. She can't replace my mom and I can't replace her daughter, but we can be their for each other. Her love and encouragement have seen me through some really tough times the last few years! She is so precious to me! Anyway, we visited for an hour or so and prayed. It was an awesome time. I drove back here to Great Bend and my friends came to pick me up to drive to Tulsa about an hour later.
That hour was very long for me. Doubts were running through my head like crazy. What am I doing? This Kansas girl who doesn't wear dresses, doesn't like to sweat, and has never been on an airplane is going to Mexico? Because of the culture there I would have to wear dresses, it's super hot and humid so I would sweat like crazy, and I have been known to be slightly clausterphobic!! What am I doing? I can't do this!!!!
Here is where I got down on my knees...."Father, you are the author and finisher of my faith. You have ordained this trip. There is no other way these things could have fallen into place to allow me to go. Thank you that when I am weakest is when You are at Your best. I love you and I trust you, Lord. Holy Spirit, give me peace. Give me the grace to get in the truck when my friends come. Keep me safe, keep my children safe. Thank you that we are all in the palm of Your gracious hand." I felt an overwhelming peace come over me. I could do this. Anything that my Father wants me to do, I can do. He won't give me more than I can handle.
Okay, I do realize that this was a teaser, but it would take a small book to write it all. So instead of that, I am going to write several blogs. Until next time.......
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Saturday, June 12, 2010
Funny Girls!
Okay so here is another blog that is not going to be about my mission trip. I promise I will get to it but there has been some funny stuff going on at my house this week that I just have to share with you guys. The last blog was kind of serious and that's okay. It was probably the most personal one I have written yet. It took a lot of prayer for me to write that and share it with you guys. Sometimes it's really hard to put myself out there like that but a lot of people responded postively so I think it was worth it.
On Sunday, I went to pick up my 8 year old neice so she could come stay with me for a week. Her and I both have really been looking forward to her coming because I haven't really spent any one on one time with her. She is on of 3 girls and I always have a house full of kids so it has pretty much gotten put on the back burner. I was bound and determined that when she came, I was going to find that time.
On Monday, we did. The boys were on an all day visit with their Mom and my daughter was with a friend for a few hours in the morning so we decided to take advantage of it. We decided to go grocery shopping. I was wearing a summer dress with a chunky necklace so I was feeling pretty good. I know, shocking right? I said I never wear dresses and that was one thing I was worried about when I went to Mexico! Well, I came to realize that if you wear the right dress, they are very cooling and comfy to the point of feeling like you are wearing pajamas. Plus, they are just plain cute. Needless to say, that is one of the things that God dealt with me on my trip. So now this jeans and boots girl is a summer dress girl! Who would have ever thought?
When we got to the grocery store it has started to sprinkle a little bit. I wasn't too worried because shopping for food always takes me a while. I have a list in one hand and coupons in the other. It's serious business. I have to go every day that I work for the Bistro so I really don't like to go to the store anymore than is absolutely necessary. When I shop, I buy for like a month or so at a time so I don't have to worry about it. We were visiting and she was helping me pick out stuff. About halfway through I hear a crack of thunder and it starts pouring rain so hard that I had a hard time hearing my neice talk, and she was standing right next to me! I was thinking to myself, "We are only halfway through. It will have stopped by the time we are done." I was wrong. We walked out front and it was still raining cats and dogs. I looked at my neice and she looked at me. I said, "Okay, we are going to make a run for it. You get in the car and I will load the groceries." She looked up at me and replied, "No, Aunt Hannah. If you are going to get wet then I will too." What a trooper!
We loaded our cart full of groceries into the back of the car and hopped in. We were literally so wet that it looked like we had taken a shower with our clothes on. We got everything in the house, changed, and then started to put stuff away. When we were reorganizing the fridge so we could fit everything we bought in it, she told me,"Aunt Hannah, did you know that your name sounds really good with 'Aunt' in front of it?" I smiled at her. "You know what? You are right. It does sound good like that doesn't it?" "Yep, I think God made you especially to be an Aunt. You are really good at it!" How precious is she? I love these little moments!
The next day the boys had another all day visit with their Mom. Both girls knew it so when we said their goodnight prayers, they prayed for it to be warm enough for us to go to the pool. They were really excited about the prospect of going without the little guys tagging along. They love them, but sometimes they really cramp their style. Anyone who has little brothers understands that one, right? This is how it went. I will call them Red and Blondie to clarify the difference....
Red - "Dear Lord, we really want to go swimming tomorrow. Tomorrow is the only day that we can go without the boys because Mom says when they are here we can't leave them out because it's rude."
Blondie - "Yeah, God. I understand why Aunt Hannah says that because I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I do really want to go without them. The best way to do that is to make the rain stop so that we can go swimming tomorrow when they are gone. Then they won't have to know so it won't hurt their feelings."
Red - "Thanks God! Love you goodnight!"
Blondie - "Yeah, goodnight God! And can you please make the puppies come in my dreams so I won't have nightmares? Thanks. Love you!"
Red and Blondie in unison - "Amen"
Red to Blondie - "Don't worry. I know that it will be sunny tomorrow because Mom says when two or more agree and pray that God pays extra special attention."
Blondie - "Cool! Aunt Hannah is so smart!"
They went to sleep without another word. I know I have said it before, but it bares repeating. My kids are such an inspiration to me. They slept without a worry because they had gone before their Heavenly Father with prayer and appreciation with their request and they had faith that it would happen. And it did. We got to so swimming the next day. I aspire to be more like that. I pray about and say that I give my worries and problems over to God. The tricky part is not picking that worry back up. I need to just leave it with Him and trust that He will take care of it. He can and will. After all, He is God. If He created the heaven and the earth than He can take care of my piddly problems, piece of cake. Thank you Lord for my children and these precious moments. Thank you for using them to remind me of the childlike faith that You want me to have.
PS With these funny, silly kids around me all the time, is it any wonder that I don't have cable? Who needs it?!
On Sunday, I went to pick up my 8 year old neice so she could come stay with me for a week. Her and I both have really been looking forward to her coming because I haven't really spent any one on one time with her. She is on of 3 girls and I always have a house full of kids so it has pretty much gotten put on the back burner. I was bound and determined that when she came, I was going to find that time.
On Monday, we did. The boys were on an all day visit with their Mom and my daughter was with a friend for a few hours in the morning so we decided to take advantage of it. We decided to go grocery shopping. I was wearing a summer dress with a chunky necklace so I was feeling pretty good. I know, shocking right? I said I never wear dresses and that was one thing I was worried about when I went to Mexico! Well, I came to realize that if you wear the right dress, they are very cooling and comfy to the point of feeling like you are wearing pajamas. Plus, they are just plain cute. Needless to say, that is one of the things that God dealt with me on my trip. So now this jeans and boots girl is a summer dress girl! Who would have ever thought?
When we got to the grocery store it has started to sprinkle a little bit. I wasn't too worried because shopping for food always takes me a while. I have a list in one hand and coupons in the other. It's serious business. I have to go every day that I work for the Bistro so I really don't like to go to the store anymore than is absolutely necessary. When I shop, I buy for like a month or so at a time so I don't have to worry about it. We were visiting and she was helping me pick out stuff. About halfway through I hear a crack of thunder and it starts pouring rain so hard that I had a hard time hearing my neice talk, and she was standing right next to me! I was thinking to myself, "We are only halfway through. It will have stopped by the time we are done." I was wrong. We walked out front and it was still raining cats and dogs. I looked at my neice and she looked at me. I said, "Okay, we are going to make a run for it. You get in the car and I will load the groceries." She looked up at me and replied, "No, Aunt Hannah. If you are going to get wet then I will too." What a trooper!
We loaded our cart full of groceries into the back of the car and hopped in. We were literally so wet that it looked like we had taken a shower with our clothes on. We got everything in the house, changed, and then started to put stuff away. When we were reorganizing the fridge so we could fit everything we bought in it, she told me,"Aunt Hannah, did you know that your name sounds really good with 'Aunt' in front of it?" I smiled at her. "You know what? You are right. It does sound good like that doesn't it?" "Yep, I think God made you especially to be an Aunt. You are really good at it!" How precious is she? I love these little moments!
The next day the boys had another all day visit with their Mom. Both girls knew it so when we said their goodnight prayers, they prayed for it to be warm enough for us to go to the pool. They were really excited about the prospect of going without the little guys tagging along. They love them, but sometimes they really cramp their style. Anyone who has little brothers understands that one, right? This is how it went. I will call them Red and Blondie to clarify the difference....
Red - "Dear Lord, we really want to go swimming tomorrow. Tomorrow is the only day that we can go without the boys because Mom says when they are here we can't leave them out because it's rude."
Blondie - "Yeah, God. I understand why Aunt Hannah says that because I don't want to hurt their feelings, but I do really want to go without them. The best way to do that is to make the rain stop so that we can go swimming tomorrow when they are gone. Then they won't have to know so it won't hurt their feelings."
Red - "Thanks God! Love you goodnight!"
Blondie - "Yeah, goodnight God! And can you please make the puppies come in my dreams so I won't have nightmares? Thanks. Love you!"
Red and Blondie in unison - "Amen"
Red to Blondie - "Don't worry. I know that it will be sunny tomorrow because Mom says when two or more agree and pray that God pays extra special attention."
Blondie - "Cool! Aunt Hannah is so smart!"
They went to sleep without another word. I know I have said it before, but it bares repeating. My kids are such an inspiration to me. They slept without a worry because they had gone before their Heavenly Father with prayer and appreciation with their request and they had faith that it would happen. And it did. We got to so swimming the next day. I aspire to be more like that. I pray about and say that I give my worries and problems over to God. The tricky part is not picking that worry back up. I need to just leave it with Him and trust that He will take care of it. He can and will. After all, He is God. If He created the heaven and the earth than He can take care of my piddly problems, piece of cake. Thank you Lord for my children and these precious moments. Thank you for using them to remind me of the childlike faith that You want me to have.
PS With these funny, silly kids around me all the time, is it any wonder that I don't have cable? Who needs it?!
Monday, June 7, 2010
My Divine Romance
Okay, I know you guys are going to expect for me to write about the amazing things that happened on my trip. After all, I have been home for a week now so I should have had time to process stuff and have enough material for several blogs right? Well, I do and I will get to those. However, Saturday night I just had this revelation that I need to share with you guys.
Like I have said before, God made me a promise about my husband back in September. It hasn't been easy to try to be patient. Right after that, God laid on my heart Hebrews 10:23 and I have typed it up and it has been tacked on my hallway wall ever since. While I was in Mexico, God was dealing with me some more about my husband and his promises. I will have to tell you more about that later. I am more at peace with that than I have been in a long time.
I was laying in my bed and having a hard time falling asleep. When my mind won't settle down I have made it my routine to talk to my Heavenly Father and kind of let my mind wander where it wants. These are the times when I have had some truley incredible, divine breakthroughs. I think that that is when God talks to me the most. I am not moving and my body is relaxed and my kids are asleep so it's like he has my undivided attention. Like one on one time between me and my Daddy. These times really are precious to me.
I was laying there and thinking about what I needed my husband to be. I needed him to be the spirtually strong leader of my home. I need him to be an incredible father to my children, especially my daughter. She is my precious one. I love my foster kids like they are my own, don't get me wrong. But my daughter is such a shining light. She is so incredibly loving and sweet. I have blogged about this before but she really needs a daddy that will love her and cherish her and tell her how amazing she is. A man that will treat her heart with tender, loving care. I would want him to be a prayer warrior. I would want him to be my protector. Someone that will walk through life with me. I want him to cherish me and think that I am the most incredible woman that he has ever met. That's not too much to ask. I know it's not because that's what my Daddy wants for me. Not only am I His princess and beloved daughter, but so are my kids. He does not want just any man to be in our lives. He has a specific one picked out.
Then I was thinking how wonderful it will be when I meet him. Awesome and nerveracking at the same time. This will be the man that I will spend the rest of my life with! I have never had anyone love me that much or treat me that good. Oh, to be courted and romanced by my husband....it will be a completely new experience for me. How exciting to know that I don't have to settle! God doesn't want me to! He wants only the best for me. You have no idea how liberating that is! To know that he is not something that I have to seek out or wish upon a star.....this is going to happen. Thank you God!
So, as all these things are running through my head an undeniable fact zinged through my spirit. I have been courted and loved and cherished like that.
A year ago, I was having surgery to have a tumor removed. I prayed to God like I always did when I needed something but it was different this time. As I was being wheeled into the operating room, I had this undeniable peace. I was okay. From that point on, my life was changed. God started romancing me. He led me to this church that I had an incredible and extremely personal encounter with Him. I asked Him to be the Lord of my life for the last time. I wanted nothing else. No matter what it took, I wanted to follow Him. I wanted that peace to be with me for the rest of my life. I would die of thirst without it. Once you have tasted that kind of peace and love, it's intoxicating. You cannot live without it. I could not go back. I was hooked. I was in love.
It was a very scary thing. I had been hurt severely by family, friends, and ex-husbands. I had built my walls so high and thick I thought no one would ever get through to my heart. To let someone in would mean they would have the power to hurt me. I could never let them see the real me. I could never let anyone see my pain and fear. God gently broke through them all. He wanted my heart. He wouldn't stop until He had all of me. You see, once I gave myself to Him, He claimed me. I was His. He wanted to heal me from the inside out. He came to restore. He came to love. He came to overcome all the hurt that had been done to me.
When I could no longer be around some of my family or friends because they couldn't understand the new me, He was there. That was a new kind of hurt. I am a very social person and it was hard to have no one to talk to. It was a lonely few months. He drew me closer to Him. I really pressed in and cried out to God and poured my hurt at His feet. He then provided awesome Christian friends that are so close to me that they are my spiritual family.
He healed me from my past abusive relationships. He let me know that marriage isn't ownership by putting awesome Christian couples in my life. I knew that for them, God was in the middle of their marriage and that's what made the difference. Their marriages were solid partnerships.
He has been faithful and good. He has shown me beautiful things. He has given me incredible hope where there was none before. He filled up this empty shell into something useful. Not only useful, but lovely. He has made me who I am. He loves me. I am His cherished one. He even brought me all the way to Mexico to see and experinence indescribable things. He gave me the beauty of the flowers, the ocean, the birds, and the freeing worship there. He put me in a place that was quiet and I was a bit out of my element with no kids to take care of. I had to focus on me. He wanted me to slow down for a minute.
He is truley the lover of my soul. I am smack dab in the middle of a divine romance. I have been being courted for most of my life. I have only just now become aware of it. Let me tell you something, it is the most humbling thing. How can I ever repay all the things the He has done for me? He doens't even want anything in return! He wants me to have the best things in life, just because that's who He is. Is it any wonder that I am head over heels for my Lord and Savior? I am on fire for Him!
You have no idea how that made me feel. I finally connected the dots. I don't have to wait to feel that kind of love. I experience it every day! Don't get me wrong, I am still looking forward to meeting my husband and all the wonderful things that will go along with it. It's just that I don't need my husband to complete me. I'm going to remember to always keep God first in my life because only by His grace am I here at all. I can only imagine how it will be when I meet the man who feels the same way about my God that I do! Thank you God for your faithfulness and your love. I recieve it! I want nothing more than to live my life for You. Thank you for making me whole again. Thank you for saving my life.
Okay I have saved the best news for last....all this can be yours too! God wants to be the lover of your soul, your restorer, your redeemer. He is waiting to start romancing you. Just wait and see! You think this little bit of my story is awesome, He has something special in mind just for yoiu. He knows you and He loves you. He has been waiting all your life for you to come back home. I can't wait to hear about your very own divine romance!
Like I have said before, God made me a promise about my husband back in September. It hasn't been easy to try to be patient. Right after that, God laid on my heart Hebrews 10:23 and I have typed it up and it has been tacked on my hallway wall ever since. While I was in Mexico, God was dealing with me some more about my husband and his promises. I will have to tell you more about that later. I am more at peace with that than I have been in a long time.
I was laying in my bed and having a hard time falling asleep. When my mind won't settle down I have made it my routine to talk to my Heavenly Father and kind of let my mind wander where it wants. These are the times when I have had some truley incredible, divine breakthroughs. I think that that is when God talks to me the most. I am not moving and my body is relaxed and my kids are asleep so it's like he has my undivided attention. Like one on one time between me and my Daddy. These times really are precious to me.
I was laying there and thinking about what I needed my husband to be. I needed him to be the spirtually strong leader of my home. I need him to be an incredible father to my children, especially my daughter. She is my precious one. I love my foster kids like they are my own, don't get me wrong. But my daughter is such a shining light. She is so incredibly loving and sweet. I have blogged about this before but she really needs a daddy that will love her and cherish her and tell her how amazing she is. A man that will treat her heart with tender, loving care. I would want him to be a prayer warrior. I would want him to be my protector. Someone that will walk through life with me. I want him to cherish me and think that I am the most incredible woman that he has ever met. That's not too much to ask. I know it's not because that's what my Daddy wants for me. Not only am I His princess and beloved daughter, but so are my kids. He does not want just any man to be in our lives. He has a specific one picked out.
Then I was thinking how wonderful it will be when I meet him. Awesome and nerveracking at the same time. This will be the man that I will spend the rest of my life with! I have never had anyone love me that much or treat me that good. Oh, to be courted and romanced by my husband....it will be a completely new experience for me. How exciting to know that I don't have to settle! God doesn't want me to! He wants only the best for me. You have no idea how liberating that is! To know that he is not something that I have to seek out or wish upon a star.....this is going to happen. Thank you God!
So, as all these things are running through my head an undeniable fact zinged through my spirit. I have been courted and loved and cherished like that.
A year ago, I was having surgery to have a tumor removed. I prayed to God like I always did when I needed something but it was different this time. As I was being wheeled into the operating room, I had this undeniable peace. I was okay. From that point on, my life was changed. God started romancing me. He led me to this church that I had an incredible and extremely personal encounter with Him. I asked Him to be the Lord of my life for the last time. I wanted nothing else. No matter what it took, I wanted to follow Him. I wanted that peace to be with me for the rest of my life. I would die of thirst without it. Once you have tasted that kind of peace and love, it's intoxicating. You cannot live without it. I could not go back. I was hooked. I was in love.
It was a very scary thing. I had been hurt severely by family, friends, and ex-husbands. I had built my walls so high and thick I thought no one would ever get through to my heart. To let someone in would mean they would have the power to hurt me. I could never let them see the real me. I could never let anyone see my pain and fear. God gently broke through them all. He wanted my heart. He wouldn't stop until He had all of me. You see, once I gave myself to Him, He claimed me. I was His. He wanted to heal me from the inside out. He came to restore. He came to love. He came to overcome all the hurt that had been done to me.
When I could no longer be around some of my family or friends because they couldn't understand the new me, He was there. That was a new kind of hurt. I am a very social person and it was hard to have no one to talk to. It was a lonely few months. He drew me closer to Him. I really pressed in and cried out to God and poured my hurt at His feet. He then provided awesome Christian friends that are so close to me that they are my spiritual family.
He healed me from my past abusive relationships. He let me know that marriage isn't ownership by putting awesome Christian couples in my life. I knew that for them, God was in the middle of their marriage and that's what made the difference. Their marriages were solid partnerships.
He has been faithful and good. He has shown me beautiful things. He has given me incredible hope where there was none before. He filled up this empty shell into something useful. Not only useful, but lovely. He has made me who I am. He loves me. I am His cherished one. He even brought me all the way to Mexico to see and experinence indescribable things. He gave me the beauty of the flowers, the ocean, the birds, and the freeing worship there. He put me in a place that was quiet and I was a bit out of my element with no kids to take care of. I had to focus on me. He wanted me to slow down for a minute.
He is truley the lover of my soul. I am smack dab in the middle of a divine romance. I have been being courted for most of my life. I have only just now become aware of it. Let me tell you something, it is the most humbling thing. How can I ever repay all the things the He has done for me? He doens't even want anything in return! He wants me to have the best things in life, just because that's who He is. Is it any wonder that I am head over heels for my Lord and Savior? I am on fire for Him!
You have no idea how that made me feel. I finally connected the dots. I don't have to wait to feel that kind of love. I experience it every day! Don't get me wrong, I am still looking forward to meeting my husband and all the wonderful things that will go along with it. It's just that I don't need my husband to complete me. I'm going to remember to always keep God first in my life because only by His grace am I here at all. I can only imagine how it will be when I meet the man who feels the same way about my God that I do! Thank you God for your faithfulness and your love. I recieve it! I want nothing more than to live my life for You. Thank you for making me whole again. Thank you for saving my life.
Okay I have saved the best news for last....all this can be yours too! God wants to be the lover of your soul, your restorer, your redeemer. He is waiting to start romancing you. Just wait and see! You think this little bit of my story is awesome, He has something special in mind just for yoiu. He knows you and He loves you. He has been waiting all your life for you to come back home. I can't wait to hear about your very own divine romance!
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