Future?

I took a few days off from blogging to process through some stuff. I think I am good now. Plus, I had a big History test to study for. I got an A! Go me! This semester seems to be dragging by. I love school and all but I am ready for a break for awhile. I am dangerously close to being done. Trying to decide if I am going to take Summer classes or take it off.

I think I am ready to be done with school but I'm not sure if I'm ready for a "regular" job. Don't get me wrong, I work. I have 2 part time jobs. However, they are both very flexible and one is a not only a job but a ministry. It is so rewarding to work in an environment like that! Neither job pays much, but they do pay my bills. We don't live fancy, but we do have everything we need with a few extras. My prayer has been that when it is time for me to get into my career field, that it will be in a Christian environment. One that will understand that I am a single parent and have lots of responsibilities. A boss who will be pleased as punch when I need to take time off for mission trips. My prayer has been, "Lord here I am...send me where you will." So, wherever He wants me and whatever plans He has for me, He will pave the way.

I have really been gearing up for this mission trip to Mexico. Roco Blanca Mission Base is only 6 weeks away! This could be the reason I am eager for school to be done too, I suppose. I couldn't find a swimming suit anywhere around here that had anything that I liked so I had to order it online. It's been about 4 years since I had one. This makes me sound like I'm older than I am. I'm only 28 but I'm very picky about swimming suits. Since I couldn't find one that I liked, I swim in shorts and a t shirt. Once I even borrowed my brothers swimming trunks. They were surprisingly comfortable. I didn't wear them again though because I had the sneaking suspicion that he was seriously considering depantsing me. It makes me cringe just thinking about that possible fiasco!

The thing I have most been thinking about is the people and work I will get to do at the base. I just feel that incredible things are going to happen. I am so ready to go. There will be a whole new Hannah coming back on the plane, I just know it. It is going to be a time of a lot of firsts for me. This will be the first time I have flown, been out of the country, seen an ocean, gone on a mission trip, or spent this much time away from my kids. That part makes me a teeny nervous. Just a little bit though. I am too busy focusing on the incredible opportunity to teach, learn, praise, and just be in God's presence. It will be a time to be a witness the majesty and miracles of the grace of the Lord with no distractions. Oh sure, there will be other people there and lots of things going on, but for the first time in 10 years I will be just Hannah. Not Mom. That is an exciting, and scary thing. I will have no choice but to completely focus on the task at hand. My mission....to be about my Father's business, whatever that means.

My daughter is pretty excited about it. It's going to be like a vacation for her too. She is going to spend the last 3 days of school with my brother and sister in law and then heading off to my friends house. I have known her for more than half my life. Our daughters are only 2 months apart in age and they are besties too! Adorable right? I am truly blessed to have a friend like her. Not just a friend, but a sister in Christ. We both have been doing this faith walk togther. Even though we don't get to talk that much, we always know we are there for each other. Friends like that are to be treasured for sure. Love ya girl!

My boys are a different story altogether. Since they are foster kids they have to go to respite. This makes me cringe. Respite is just a fancy name for another foster home they will go to while I am gone. The good part is, the have always had fun anytime they have gone. The bad part is, I don't know who it will be or anything about them. I don't know if they are a faith filled home or not.

These boys may not be biologically mine, but they are mine just the same. I don't know how to love someone at arms length. This is the hard part about being a foster parent. Treating the fosters like I treat my daughter is great for them. That's what makes me an effective parent. I am a firm believer that fierce love can overcome anything. And it has, trust me on this one. These boys have come a long way! I love them with every fiber of my being. That is why if, or when, my fosters go home, it crushes me. They take a piece of my heart with them every time. I have only had 2 leave my home in a year, a teenage girl and a 10 year old boy. The two I have now I have had for about 5 months.

So, I try my best not to look too far into the future. I pretty much live my life week to week. That would drive some people crazy, I'm sure but it's the only way I can function. If you had asked me 2 years ago where I would be in 4 years I could recite my plan, verbatem. Now, I just don't know. A lot can happen in 4 months, let alone 4 years. I'm not following my own path anymore. I know that some people try their best to deny God because they don't want to loose the illusion of control. Let me tell you a secret....it is the most exhilerating thing in the world!! I am hanging out there in the wind. There is no plan B for me. I'm like a flag in a windstorm and my Lord and Savior is my anchor. He hasn't let me down yet. In fact, when I gave my life to him he took it and did something wonderful. He set my spirit free.

That doesn't mean my life is all peaches and cream. Far from it. Don't believe me? Read some of my earlier blogs...or even just the last one. Doing what is right and true isn't always easy. However, it is almost always rewarding.

Well, my kids are all sleeping. It is very peaceful at the Hannah house. I'm getting a little sleepy myself. I am done with the grape popsickle that I treat myself with after my treadmill time, so it is time for a shower and then bed. Oh, since the kids are all asleep I can actually take a bath! It's just not a relaxing experience when kids knock on the door every 2 minutes to ask me a question. Calgon take me away!