Happy Sunday everyone! I hope your week has been an incredible one. It has been another week of revelations for me. God is so good to reveal things to me as I need them. It is so easy to focus on the negative instead of the positive.
Now, it is not my goal in life to be this person that men desire and women want to be. Far from it. But it is nice to feel appreciated. For someone to look past my jeans and boots and 20 kids trailing behind me and see the woman within. (You're right, 20 kids is a slight exaggeration. It sometimes feels like that many though.) I have been getting very frustrated. I haven't been on a date in a few years. That is a personal choice so I'm not upset about it or anything. I don't go to bars or clubs or troll the grocery store looking for relationships. In fact, if Prince Charming did show up at the store he would go running in the other direction! Seeing me pushing a cart with a 2 year old inside it, an arguing 6 and 9 year old following behind, and me holding a list with a pen behind my ear to mark off items as they go into the back doesn't do much for the romance department.
I have blogged about this before but it bears repeating. I have made a commitment to not seek out dates. God will send the right one when the time is right. Is it hard to be patient and trust that He knows when that time is right? You betcha!! There are days that I get lonely and wish I had someone to cuddle with at the end of the day. The man that God has designed for me. He created each of us. We all know the story of Adam and Eve. God made Adam first and saw that he needed a life partner. So, He took Adams rib and made Eve. I don't know about you, but that doesn't sound very romantic to me. When I finally meet my husband am I supposed to say, "Oh, I'm right here! Your rib is right here!" That would be pretty funny. But you know what I get out of that is, there is a man that He made specifically for me. When we come together, there will be nothing like it. It will be absolutely incredible!
Now, I have been single for quite some time. God has made a promise to me about my husband and I am holding on to that promise. In the meantime, God told me to conduct myself as a married woman. Crazy you say? Oh, but I am married. God has my husband chosen for me. He's not some fairy tale that I made up. He is alive and well. I just don't know who he is yet. So, I may not have my husband right here by my side, I may not have had the ceremony, and I don't have a ring on my finger. But, the amazing thing is, in God's eyes, I AM MARRIED. He already knows what is going to happen in the future. He is already there. I don't need to worry about how or when or why or even what he will look like. I am the daughter of the King of Kings. He will not give my hand to just anyone. I am precious to Him.
I started reading this amazing book with my friend. It's called "Captivating" by John and Stasi Eldredge. (You ladies need to read this book! You men should read it too, it will give you insight to your lady.) My friend and I decided to meet for supper last night and talk about it. My kids were going to be gone for a whole 24 hours! I was so excited! I fought the urge to go to bed early and met her instead. I had been feeling kind of down all week. The words I kept hearing were this, "You are undesirable. You are nothing. If God loves you like you say, where is He? Why isn't He fulfilling those promises He made? No one ever keeps their promises to you! You know it's true! Every person that you thought you could trust has let you down in one capacity or another. God doesn't even know who you are going to marry! You were better off when you had decided you were never getting married again. You never even wanted to look at men until God put that false promise of your husband in your head. You are believing a lie! You would be better off just finding a guy to shack up with."
Pretty heavy right? So, I was driving out of town to meet her. I was stopped at a stoplight when I hear this engine start revving up next to me. I look over and see these two guys in a diesel truck grinning at me. They were pretty good looking! I just laughed at them. They flirted and waved at me for 3 blocks before they turned off to a gas station. That was a bit of a confidence booster. I am desirable! I got to the bar and grill and we had a great time eating our steaks and talking about life in general. At one point, this group of guys are walking by our table. My back was to them. One of the guys stumbled as he walked by and one of his buddies made a comment to him. I was talking to my friend so I didn't hear what they said. I asked her, "Did I miss something?" She grinned at me, "You officially just got checked out." "Really?" I giggled. See what happens when I leave my kids at home?
My friend and I got to talking. I told her that I don't know why guys don't usually notice me. I told her I felt like I was giving off some kind of no-no aura. She didn't agree. She said she thought that since I don't act like a typical single girl, most guys either think I'm taken or sense that something is different about me. She says that I beam this friendliness to people. She said that in every conversation that I have, I mention God somehow. Not that I am preaching to people but just something like...."This happened today and it was amazing, thank you God!" He is just part of my everyday vocabulary. I don't even realize it sometimes. She also said that she thinks I get noticed more than I realize. But that the wrong kind of guy doesn't approach me because he respects this thing that I am radiating, that he doesn't understand. She said that thing is Christ's love for people. That it is extremely apparent that I love and am living my life fully to serve God. You have no idea how much I needed to hear that.
Life is not peaches and cream. No one said life is easy, or would be easier if you became a Christian. But now, I have this visual to help me. Maybe it will help you too. I am a princess. I walk through life disguised as an everyday woman. But I'm not. What people can't see is this...... I am walking with my tiara and twirling princess dress. My Lord and Savior has me safely in the crook of His arm, walking with me through life. I still have to go through darkness and troubles. I still stumble. But that's when I hold on to my God's elbow. He steadies me and guides me though every situation. I can't imagine trying to stumble through life without that steadying arm anymore. Now that I have that rock to stand on, I don't want to walk through the treacherous quick sand that I was in before. It doesn't even appeal to me. I may sometimes look at things that other people have. I see my friends who aren't walking with God and are seemingly happy. But it won't last. They aren't putting their faith where it belongs. This waiting has purpose for me. It will be so much more the sweeter when my reward comes. When my rib finds its home.
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