Stress and relief

Hey my blogger buddies! I have had some ideas for some blogs for a while now but I couldn't sit down to focus my thoughts. I have too much stuff running around in my head to not write tonight. There has been so much awesome stuff happening this week that I just had to share!

This week started out pretty frustrating. My boss is out of the country on a much deserved cruise, so I have been running his little Bistro by myself. I didn't think it would be that big of a deal but I didn't consider everything else I would have going on at the same time. I had 3 finals this week on top of the kids and my other job. I realized it would be a little more stressful than I planned. The timing wasn't real great but that's okay. I could handle it.

Then, I got a phone call on Saturday, the day my boss was leaving town. One of our regular customers wanted a catering job done to be picked up Monday afternoon! That was an awesome blessing for the business, but stress city for me! Not only would I be running the Bistro by myself, I would be doing the catering job by myself. Oh, and did I mention I have never actually done the catering side before? My boss and his wife had always done that part. Well, I guess everyone has to learn somehow. Sometimes, I just wonder why it seems that I always have to learn by being thrown into things headfirst!

Needless to say, I made it through the day just fine. I didn't even pull all my hair out. I got the job done and the customer seemed pleased. Score 1 for Hannah! Afterwards, I felt pretty good. I had proven myself capable of swimming when I was thrown in the deep end. Go me!

On Tuesday I decided that I needed to get a few capris and shirts for my trip next week. I was kicking myself because at the end of last Summer I threw away all my shorts and capris. I had been wearing the same ones for 3 years and was sick of them. I figured since I will be in Mexico in May, it is bound to be hot. I won't be able to wear my jeans and boots there and be comfortable. Shuckie-darn! I had the horrible task of going shopping in my favorite store.....teehee!

Anyway, I get there and my regular sales girls weren't there. The store was being run by a bunch of teenage girls I didn't know. I went and picked out things to try on and my daughter and I went in the dressing room. I found a few things I liked but needed different sizes, one bigger and one smaller. I sent my daughter out with the items to give to the salespeople. I stood there in my underwear for 10 minutes. I started to get chilly so I put on my clothes and went out to find out what was taking so long. Immediately I see my daughter at the front counter, standing by a sales associate who was talking to another sales associate, my clothes in her hand. The other girl leaves and the girl holding my clothes starts wandering around aimlessly.

My daughter looks at me and shrugs. I said, "What is she doing? Didn't you give her those shorts?" "I did Mom. She just now started looking for them. She has been talking to that other girl." She replied. My eyebrows raised. My temper was starting to rise. My daughter could tell too. I walked over to the girl, my daughter close on my heels. She had begun to talk to the other associate who was working. I cleared my throat. "Excuse me, I sent my daughter to you 10 minutes ago with 2 pairs of shorts to get me different sizes." She looked confused. She looked at the clothing in her hand and then looked back at me. "Oh, yeah. Well, I like, couldn't find the right size." Then, she popped her gum and stared at me. My eyebrows got higher. My daughter was getting nervous. She knows when my eyebrows disappear into my hairline, I am not at all happy and someone else is getting ready to not be happy right along with me.

However, instead of blowing up I went back to the dressing room and put on my shoes. On my way out the door I asked when the manager was going to be in. They told me and I stalked away. I was super frustrated! I had never been treated that way in that store. I shop there so much that the sales people know my name. They even know my size and help me pick out clothes because they know the style of stuff I like. They know the names and ages of my kids too. Where am I going to get my clothes now? Plus, we are in Kansas so what is with the Valley Girl accents? Like, get real, like. Grrrr!!

I went home frustrated. I sat and stewed for a while and then got over it. I can always go in when different people are there. Those girls just made me feel like I was beneath them. I really don't like it when people do that. To be fair though, I am sometimes sensitive to stuff like that so I have to take that particular feeling with a grain of salt. Tomorrow was a new day and I had plenty of time to shop.

Wednesday was the morning I was going to cut out my dresses. Yes, I did say dresses. As a respect to their culture, the women on the mission base have to wear skirts in services and when they leave the base. We will be worshiping and leaving the base almost every day. This presented a problem to this girl who never wears dresses. I decided it would be a better idea to have my sister-in-law sew me some flowy dresses than to wear a shirt with a skirt. We went to cut it out and the pattern was too small for me!

I know that patterns run small because I used to help my Mom sew all the time. When we made my 8th grade graduation formal, we had to get a pattern that was 2 sizes bigger than the clothes I wear off the rack. I knew all that, but it still upset me. I sat down and cried. If I knew about this trip 5 months ago, why aren't I 50 pounds lighter? Why didn't I spend every waking minute exercising and dieting? I mean, I'm not a cow but I'm not skinny minny either. I am a woman with real curves. I was really depressed now. I was even starting to not want to go. So instead of crawling in bed and pulling the covers over my head, I called a good friend of mine.

Somehow she managed to understand my dilemma through my tears. She gave me a Mom worthy pep talk. The things she told me really made sense. I went something like this...."You have been looking forward to this trip for long time. People have been saying that whole time that you are going to have incredible experiences there. Do you think the enemy want you there, knowing it will be a life changing experience for you? No way! Besides, you are not that big. I don't want you to say that you are thinking about not going, because you are going. In fact, all this trouble should make you even more excited. You wouldn't be having all these problems now, if amazing things weren't going to happen there." We talked about some other things. Before I got off the phone she told me that before I bought anything I should come to her house. She has some clothes that were too small she thought I would like.

I was feeling much better after our talk. I went to drop my youngest off at the babysitters and headed to her house. She was grinning and said for me to sit down and look through the trash sack full of things she had put together. I sat down and started pulling things out one by one. Every single thing in there was my style and my size! I looked up at her with my jaw dropped. A few things even had tags on them! "Where did you get all this?" "Well, I have had this stuff for a while. I just couldn't get rid of it. When I was going through these clothes to put some together for you I just kept thinking, 'Okay God, You are so funny!" I could not believe it! If I hadn't been late to work already, I probably would have given her a little fashion show right then and there, just to see if everything fit.

I got home and tried the clothes on and all but 2 shirts fit me like they were made for me! I can't make this stuff up! I was on cloud 9! My Heavenly Daddy saw my frustration and provided me with clothes for this trip! There are still a few things I have to get but I'm pretty well set. Oh, and my sister-in-laws Grandma is going to sew my dresses for me.

I know that this sounds like a trivial thing, but it was a big deal to me. It seems like just when I am getting frustrated and I pray for Him to reign me in, He comes to the rescue for me. Not only that, but my God does it in such a way that there is now way that it could come anywhere but from Him. Talk about confirmation! I am so over the moon that there are no words to describe!

Mexico here I come! Not that I'm counting or anything, but I leave in 6 days. So excited! The awesome thing is, if God can do these wonderful things for me, He can for you too. God is not a respecter of persons. We are all the same in His eyes. I'm not saying that He will provide you with a trash bag full of clothes but if you turn to Him in your frustration, He will provide for you.

It's like my youngest sons constant struggle with getting dressed in the morning. He always comes out of the bedroom with everything backwards, even underwear. I ask him to go fix it and he starts crying in frustration and sits down and cries. "It's too hard! I can't do it!" I stand there and look at him. He cries for a few minutes and then looks at me. "Mom, can you help me?" I smile at him. "Honey, I was just waiting for you to ask. Using your words is much more effective than throwing a fit isn't it? Here, let me show this trick that my Mom taught me when I was your age....." In no time at all, he is all smiles. He has learned that all he has to do is ask for help and he will get it. He is also learning that the sooner he asks for help, the less frustrated he gets. He has started setting them out upside down so when he puts them on they will be right.

This is something I struggle with. No, I don't mean putting my clothes on backwards. Asking for help instead of internalizing stuff is not always easy. Oh, sure I have lots of friends and am a very social person. Before I started walking with God, I didn't want to count on anyone but myself for most things. Then my Mom died and it seemed that my lifeline died too. I didn't have anyone that I could call in a panic and they would understand drop everything to take care of me. For a few years I walked around dreading what would happen if something really bad went down with me. Then, it happened. I had a tumor that needed removed. I was terrified. I needed help. I couldn't do this one on my own.

In this place of terror, I cried out to God. "Help me Lord! Heal me Lord!" He did heal me. Tumor was taken out and non cancerous. My family and friends pulled through for me too. The next week, my then landlord invited me to her church. I went and it changed my life. God met me there. I'll never be the same. I was done spinning my wheels. I asked for and received help. God was waiting for me that whole time. He was patiently watching me struggle with things and sometimes even throw fits. When I was finally still and looked up at Him and said, "Father will you help me? Will you forgive me?" He looked down at me and said, "Honey I was just waiting for you to ask. Will you follow Me? Will you let me show you the way? I want what's best for you. I will always be right here to help you, my princess. Please remember that."

Don't be afraid to ask for help. He is waiting and watching for you.