Deodorant is not for eating!

I was going to write more about the trip but there has been a change of plans. We are going to take a slight detour.

Things are always crazy at my house, but more so than usual in the last few weeks. My two foster boys are 3 years and 6 years old and they are brothers. Their visits with their Mom changed to longer days, and they had specific behaviors as a result of it. They had family court and decided that after only 1 week, they needed to go back to just a few hours at a time. On top of that, I had two teenage girls stay at my house for respite for a week. We know these girls, but it was still new people in the house.

As a result of all of these changes, my youngest son has been acting out like crazy. He has been kicking, yelling, throwing things, throwing himself on the floor, talking back, arguing, and bullying the other kids. Did I mention he is only 3? Needless to say, it has been a lot to take in. I mean, I understand why he is doing it. He is so confused he doesn't even know which way is up. He is getting bounced around like crazy, told one thing and then another thing happens. He feels like he has no control and he doens't know how to take it. He dosen't have a choice.

Last week was the height of all this activity. He was being super deifiant, rolling his eyes and saying, "Fine, geez!" anytime I ask him to do something. No, I'm being completely serious! I couldn't make this stuff up. If I didn't know any better, I would have thought that his body had been taken over by a moody teenage girl that was PMSing. No joke.

A week ago today, I was sitting on the couch with all the kids watching a movie. My youngest son was sitting on the floor playing. He looked up at me and said, "Can I play outside?" "No, we are watching a movie right now." He frowned at me. "But I don't want to watch a movie." I looked down at him. "Honey, we are having a little family togetherness right now. I want you to stay in the house with us." He stuck his bottom lip out at me, picked up a blue crayon off the floor and proceeded to color the couch with it, right underneath where I was sitting. I sat there for a second in disbelief before I sprang into action. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!! YOU ARE SPENDING THE REST OF THE EVENING IN YOUR ROOM!!" With that, I shut his bedroom door.

As if that wasn't enough, after an hour he comes out of his room and says, "Mom, I need to wipe off my tongue." I thought it was a ploy to get out of his room. "What is on your tongue?" I got a little closer to him and saw a soap-like substance on his mouth. "What did you get into?" He started at me as if I was stupid. "You NEED to tell me what you ate! It's important, it could make you sick!" He took me into his bedroom and showed me that he had eaten a whole stick of deoderant that his brother had left on his dresser. I asked him why he ate it and his response was, "Because I was mad I had to stay in my room." What am I supposed to do with that?!

So, I helped him to get some water in his mouth and spit. I had him lay down on his bed and I had to call the emergency number for my foster parenting agency to let them know that he had eaten deoderant. They advised me to call Poison Control. I called them and they said he should be okay but to check on him and call them back in an hour. They were concerned since they had never heard of a kid eating a whole stick of deoderant, just a bite and then spitting it out. He was fine. I was not.

I could not believe that he did that! The whole time I was on the phone I was so irritated!! Who does that? Who eats deoderant when they are mad? Who colors on the couch, right underneath their unbelieving mother? This kid must love to be in trouble! I had no clue where to go from here. He is a strong-willed child to be sure and those kind of children are difficult to raise. I wanted to call my Mom so bad! I have tried everything....grounding from TV and outside, taking away toys to the point that he didn't have any in his room anymore, taking away desserts, making him stay in his room, having him go to bed early, sitting in the naughty spot, even taking away fun activities. What else can I do? I cannot spank him, which is sometimes difficult because when push comes to shove I will spank my daughter. You can't spank foster kids though. They do not know the difference between abuse and discipline.

I seriously thought he had lost his ever loving mind. I needed a break. I called my case manager and asked her if he could go to respite for a few days so I could collect my bearings. He went to stay with a family that has become close to my heart. They are an awesome and God loving couple and they love my boys. I had told the wife the situation and she said she would reinforce that he needs to treat me with respect and try to figure out if there is anything that is behind his behaviors, other than the obvious.

After he left, I felt relief. I had been walking on eggshells for a while. That night I went to bed and I prayed, "Lord, I need some Divine strategy. I know that my son is in my home for a purpose. You put him here. I don't know what to do with him anymore. Can you help me please? Put in me what is going to help him get through this rough time, Father. Help me to reach him. I know he is only acting this way to me because he knows I will always be there so he can unleash his anger and frustration on me. I have been there through the ups and downs. I feel like he is trying to make me mad so I will lose it. I don't want that and I know you don't either. Please, restore the peace in my home and help me to help him."

A few days later I went to get him and he was doing the same things. I didn't react to it. I just kept thinking about the stupid things I did after my Mom died. I had just got divorced but didn't really want to be alone. My solution to that? I became a serial dater. Oh, I didn't sleep with any of them but I dated a lot. Like maybe 15 people in 6 months. I never really could make it past the 3rd date. I even had a system if I was bored with the date. I would have my sister in law call about 30 minutes in. If I wanted to get out of there, I would pretend that she was calling because my daughter had hurt herself and I needed to leave. Isn't that horrible?Maybe he really doesn't know why he is acting out. I didn't. I didn't want anyone to get too close to me, but I didn't want to be unattached either. Needless to say, I got over that. I haven't been on a date in 3 years. No, I didn't go from one extreme to another. I'm just waiting for God to send me the right one.

We all went to bed that night and I walked through the house praying. I pled the blood of Jesus over my home and children. I prayed warring angels to protect them through the night. I demanded that anything not of my Father to leave. This is my sanctuary. I literally prayed heaven down over my home and children. Then, I went to bed myself. I woke up the next morning with a new strategy. I was going to win my son over with praise. I felt like he was just trying to get my attention, so I was going to give it to him. I was going to let him know that I see him, and I love him.

At this point, he was throwing fits about everything. I would ask him to put his plate in the sink and he would throw himself down. So I started with little things. "Honey, you shut that door! Thank you for that! That made me so happy!! Give me a high five!" "Oh, look! You buckled your seat belt! Good job! Look how big you are!" Yeah, sounds corny right? But, it worked! This morning you know what I said? "Wowie! You made your bed and I didn't even ask you to?!! That's incredible honey! My heart is so big and happy right now!" He gave me a little giggle and huge little boy grin that made my heart soar. All he wanted to know was that I notice him. He wanted to know in his heart that I love him. Actions speak louder than words, at least that's how I feel. I showed him by clapping and dancing around like a mad woman when he did the smallest thing that was positive, even if it was just shutting the door behind himself without slamming it.

It has been only 3 days since he got back from respite, one week since the deoderant incident. Things are going amazing. The big test was tonight. We went to a resteraunt and had to wait 45 minutes for our food. It really was rediculous. There were 3 adults and 6 kids there and my youngest son was the best behaved of us all. He didn't yell or complain or run around. He didn't even roll his eyes! He just sat there. In fact, I got irritated and said how frustrating it was that we were having to wait so long. He said, "Mom, don't worry. They are working on it." On the way home, he was singing 'He is jealous for me' at the top of his lungs. I didn't even have the radio on. How's about them apples?

See, God does care about even the little things. He cares that I was at my breaking point with my son. He heard my cries of frustration and helped. Let me tell you, there is no way I could have come up with that one on my own! My Father knew exactly what my son needed. Thank you Lord for being the master of my home! Thank you for always listening to me. There is no way I could make it through the day without Your grace and love. Thank you for putting in me to love these foster children right past their pain and anger to the core of their little hearts. Thank you for using me as a vessle to heal their emotional wounds and give them a childhood. Thank you God, for loving me the same way. You know, I can freely give these kids this love only because it was given to me. God healed me of my pain and hurt. He stitched me right back together and gave me a purpose. What the enemy intended for my destruction, my Father and redeemer used it for good. How else could I relate to these kids?

Okay....a little side note here. I just had to let you guys know that my brood has increased. I already have my daughter who is 9, my foster sons who are 3 and 6. A few days ago I got a 14 month old little girl! Yay! She is so precious and the happiest little thing you have ever met. She may even be a better baby than my daughter was, and that's saying something! Shhh, don't tell her I said that! In case you have lost count, that is 4 children I have. They are thinking about placing one more with me at the end of the month and then I will be all full up. Can you believe it? Isn't God so good? My home is bursting at the seams with love and children. Does life get much better than this?