Possibilites, Prayers, and Distractions

I am in a funk. There is really no other word to describe it. In the last 3 weeks I have had 2 ear infections, a sinus infection, and a nasty flu. My kids have had migraines, fever, flu symptoms, cold symptoms, and the baby had severe diarrhea which always comes with my favorite thing in the world....diaper rash. Doesn't paint a pretty picture I know, but such is my life.

I know this doesn't all fit together now, but bear with me because it will. About maybe 3 weeks ago, there was this new guy at church. During praise and worship, he was getting down for God! He gave his testimony in church after I shared my concern about my grandma's health and asked for prayer (she has been battling cancer now for about 5 years and recently decided to stop taking chemo). He told me that I should be encouraged. Everyone prayed for grandma. After church he came and handed me this card and then walked away. It talked about God always being there and drawing strength from Him in difficult times.

I didn't really think too much of it. I thought he was just being friendly. A friend of mine from church text me and said that this guy seemed like someone who could be my husband. Really? He was good looking and all and I noticed him but it wasn't like an "oh baby" kind of notice. I prayed about it. Cut to about 2 weeks later. A really good friend of mine invited the kids and I to this cookout thing where there were paddle boats, tree houses, go carts, golf carts, and a huge playground. We had the whole area to ourselves. It was so fun! Turned out, the guy was there. Since the kids knew him from church, they were playing with him and he was taking them on go carts and things. I decided to take the baby for a walk in the stroller so him and all the kids went with us. We visited and told each other about our walk with God. During our outing, the boys both fell and scraped up their knees so I played Dr. Mom when we got back. It was sweet.

He made it a point to sit next to me and help me with little things with the kiddos. He asked if I would take his phone number so if I ever needed any help around the house I could call him. I took it down and then said, "Do you want my number too?" He smiled and said, "Yes, can I have it please?" Oh, okay. I finally understood that he was interested. I didn't realize it because he never looked me up and down, tried to touch me, or even said, "Hey baby" which is what I am used to. He was a Godly man trying to politely show interest in a Godly woman. What? This is all new territory to me!

Over the next few days he called and text me. He made clear that he wanted to pursue me. I told him that I needed to pray about it and talk to my pastors, who are also my spiritual mother and father. I explained that I had been through a few bad relationships and felt that the Lord had put my Christian friends in my path for a reason and I was going to utilize their advice. He was completely okay with it. It still was weird for me that it was all completely appropriate! I laid all my cards on the table and even told him that I had made the decision to wait until I was married to have sex. He said he respected me for that and that it wasn't all about sex for him anyway.

Right after this, I got sick. I stayed sick for a more than a week. I text him to let him know that I wasn't ignoring him, I just currently could not talk and breathe at the same time. His response was, "Thank you for thinking of me. God bless." Hmmm.....okay. I was too sick to wonder about it much. After a week of sinus and ear infections, I got the flu. It sucked! There is no other word for it! In the middle of all this, I was praying about it and talked to friends about it. I felt a definite, "No". Not because he was a bad guy or anything, far from it. We are just on different paths right now. I hadn't had a chance to tell the guy yet since I had been so sick. I was kind of dreading it because I didn't want to hurt his feelings.

I made it to church on that Wednesday night and he was there.....holding hands with another girl. In my church. He never said a word to me. Maybe he didn't know what to say? I don't know for sure. What I do know, is that it was extremely awkward. I go to a very small, very close-knit church. Need I say more? Everyone didn't know that he had made his intentions clear, but enough people did. Yeah, weirdness's. It didn't bother me that he was with someone else. I wasn't in love with the man nor did I have any claim on him. I just felt that it would have been courteous to let me know, "Hey, I met someone and we are dating" or whatever. Not because he owes me anything, but it would be the adult thing to do.

I decided to let it go, besides I didn't really have time to dwell in it since now the kids were sick. I was busy cleaning up puke and diarrhea, dealing with fevers, headaches and nightmares. Needless to say, none of us were sleeping well for a few weeks. I'm happy to report that we are all 100% healthy, other than this lingering cough that I have. I was looking forward to going to church yesterday since we had missed Sunday with the baby being sick. We went and ate supper at McDonald's and were actually going to be early for a change but when we went to get back in the car I noticed a completely flat tire. Thankfully, a really nice guy on his lunch break changed it for me. I told my daughter, "Well, this is what we get for trying to be early to church." She giggled, "It doesn't matter Mom. We are always late!" Even the good Samaritan laughed at that one!

I got to church and you will never guess who was there....that guy with his new girlfriend. We sat down and I had a hard time concentrating. Why the heck did he bring her to church again? Didn't he prove his point? My goodness, this is kind of a slap in the face. Why can't he go to his church? Why does he have to bring her MY church?! I left there very frustrated. I was thinking, "Geez, maybe I just won't come to church on Wednesday nights anymore. What's the point when I can't even focus on the Word because of my anger? See, this is why I think it's easier to just not date or even think about being pursued by anyone. I don't have time for this crap!" I was falling into the same trap I had lived in for the last 4 years.

Funnily enough, a really awesome friend that I haven't talked to in almost 2 years contacted me again and I just spilled my guts to her. It was so good to talk to her! I told her what was bothering me and she said, "Why is this bothering you so much? I was reading your blog and see how big your faith is and how much God has done for you this year. Man you even went to Mexico on a mission trip! Is this really such a big deal?" We kept talking and I kept venting but it got me thinking. Then, I got a text from my spiritual mama. She said that gratefulness is our best weapon. I should be grateful that God protected my heart when he was not THE man that He had planned for me. He is not a bad guy at all, just not my guy. After all, he was very respectful and didn't cross any boundaries with me. Besides, she said, now that he is out of the way he has made room for the hunka hunka burning love that God has in store for me! Heehee! She has such a good way of putting things!

Being that frustrated about it was not really a good response. I still feel like he should have let me know, but he made no promises to me. Plus, I don't feel like it was a coincidence that I had met this guy, started praying about what to do, and then got distracted by sickness and wasn't in the right frame of mind when I saw him again. God was faithful to protect my heart and tell me no before I got involved with him. God is sooo good!! I feel much better about it now. So what if I don't have my husband yet. He is coming. And he will definitely be worth the wait. I am grateful for you, Lord, for being my maker and husband. You hold my heart until You choose to give it to someone else. I know You have a specific man in mind and I am more than willing to wait! Thank you for protection. And thank you for laying on my heart to seek You and Your decision for my future. Thank you for putting awesome, positive people in my life to help me along the way. Gee whiz, am I blessed or what?

Like my Aunt says, I'm too blessed to be stressed and too anointed to be disappointed!