Daddy's Love

I am much better after my Tuesday night fiasco! The tables have kind of turned in my little brood. My youngest is now at a point that the behaviors he has going on is mostly just typical terrible two stuff. My 6 year old son is now a whole different story.

It has been a few weeks ago now, but in one week he lost four pairs of gloves. He lost his coat (somewhere in the house) and I had to buy him a new one. These are just a few examples. There is not enough stuff in their room for him to have a black hole in there. I am kind of frustrated about this. How can you lose something like your coat when you wear it everyday? Thanks goodness for clearance! I will have to come up with some kind of chore chart or something for him. Maybe I was so focused on trying to get my youngest through his rough patch that I neglected him? I'm not sure. I will have to pray about that.

Then there is my daughter. She is a force unto her own. Last night she had a dramatic meltdown. I actually had to spank her! I hate doing that! I can't even remember the last time I had to! She was whining and arguing with me and having an attitude that is way too big for her 9 year old body. The last straw was her yelling, "Fine!!" and slamming her bedroom door. Oh no she didn't!! Afterward she cried and cried and then threw up (she's a natural actress). She went in the bathroom and took a shower since it was close to bed time. She came out of the bathroom and told me she was sorry. I kissed her. I told her that I accepted her apology. I also told her that I really want her to go with me next week to Colorado but that if she didn't have a severe attitude change that I would go by myself. I would find somewhere else for her to go. And I meant it. Her eyes got huge and she started crying again and went to her room.

After I put the boys into bed I went in her room to tuck her in. She was sitting there and pouting. I said gently, "Now, can you tell me what that was all about? Why are you so snippy with me tonight?" She sat for a minute and then replied with tears in her eyes, "You always spend time with the boys and not me! I need Mommy time too! You have been forgetting the last few nights to read with me. I don't like that Mom. It makes me feel like that you don't love me as much as you love them!" Aha! Now I could deal with it because I knew the culprit of her fears. "Honey, I will always love you. The cool thing about Mama's love is that God can supernaturally expand it so there is room for all of you. I'm sorry that I forgot. You know that I forget stuff a lot. You get that from me. How about reminding me next time instead of getting mad? Our time together is important to me too! I know it's not easy for you to share me with foster kids but we talked about this and decided to do it together for kids who needed us. Not just me, but you too. The boys love you and you are a great big sister. Plus, we have all next week to be together with no boys. I need you to do me a ginormous favor." Sniffle, "What?" "I need you to remember that I love you always. God gave you to me to raise and love! You and I have been through a lot together. I have the scars to prove it! You will always be my favorite redhead okay?" "Okay, I love you too! Can we read together now?" I had to think about this..."No, not tonight. You threw a huge fit and that is not okay. I forgive you, but we need to wait to read until tomorrow night. Love you!" "Love you too Mom!"

You know what? That is how God is with us. The difference is that he does know our thoughts. He wants to hear from us even when we are angry, hurt, or confused. He can talk us through our problems if we will just go to Him. There are a lot of times that I have been very hurt and confused. I didn't curse Him I just asked Him why? Why is this stuff happening? What should I do? I'm hurt and sad. I left myself open and this is what's happening. He is always faithful to listen and give me strategy and peace. He wants to hear from me no matter what kind of mood I'm in or what I want or need to talk to Him about. Sure, He loves it when I am thank Him and bless Him and just spend time with Him. But He is the ultimate parent. Our heavenly Father. Our Big Daddy. A big part of parenting is holding your children when they cry, talking them through their fears, and comforting them in their hurts. God can't do any of those things unless we turn to Him with our problems. He wants it all, not just the pretty stuff. Sometimes, life isn't pretty.

My kids teach me all the time what pretty really is. Sure, they like it when you look nice but they look at inner beauty more than outer beauty. They tend to gravitate toward people that they can tell truly care about them. But the thing that makes me feel pretty the most is this. My youngest son thinks I am most beautiful when I walk out the bathroom in my robe just after my shower. He says, "Oh, Mom you look sooooo pretty!" I think it could just be because it's the closest thing to a dress he has ever seen, or will, see me in! However, it still makes me stand a little taller when I walk into my bedroom to get dressed! Did I mention I love my kids?