Good afternoon blog land! How are you today? I wish I could really carry on a conversation with you guys. Instead, you get to read my aimless ramblings. Aren't you lucky? I needed a break from my Saturday house cleaning activities so I thought I would make use of it. I actually got to sleep in this morning until 8:30! Can you believe it? The only downside of that is it meant that I had to drive in my pajamas and Medusa hairdo to drop my daughter off for her activity. Thank goodness I didn't have to get out. She said, "Mom will you walk up there with me?" I looked down at my pajamas and looked back at her. Then she said, "Uh, never mind. See you!" I couldn't help but feel that I dodged a bullet on that one. I'm sure she felt the same way.
Yesterday started out kind of shaky. Let me back up here and explain something. On Wednesday morning I didn't have class, so I was still in my pj's at 8:30. My youngest son was playing in the living room. There was a knock at the door. Crap! So, I wrap my arms around my chest to keep the girls held back (I didn't even have a bra on!) and answered the door. There was the maintenance guy. He walks right by me and announces that he has a list of stuff he has to fix from the inspection that was done 2 weeks ago. I told him that I wish I would have known he was coming so I could have gotten dressed. His reply was to not worry about it because people walk around in their pajamas all the time. Well, I don't. He walks into the bathroom and says that he has to run to the store to get some things. It would have taken him at least 10 minutes to drive there and back so I locked the door and jumped in the shower. I took 3 minutes tops. I got out of the shower and went to my bedroom. My son says, "Mom, that guy was here. He came back."
I was pissed! There is no other word for it! So, I got dressed and brushed my hair. I opened my front door so he would know that I was out of the shower. After a few minutes, he opens the front door and says, "Are you ready for me now?" He proceeded to fix what he needed to and left. No apology or mention of it at all.
So, yesterday morning I had to take a shower when it was just my youngest and I again. I decided on a bath. I could hear him talking in the living room but I couldn't tell if he was talking to himself or someone else so I did a quick rinse off and got out. I started to feel really shaky. I don't feel safe in my own home anymore! I couldn't help but think if there was a man in the house, liberties like that wouldn't be taken. Urgh! So, I went to work pretty stressed. I prayed a lot about it and was able to process stuff through. I made a formal complaint with the management of my duplex. She listened to me but I don't think she really heard me. That's all I can do. I tried to budget out to see if there was a way I could afford to move. Unless a miraculous something happens, I can't. I did pray about it though and I learned a long time ago to not put God in a little box. Finances mean nothing to Him. He can do anything. By evening time I was feeling better.
A friend and I had been trying to get together for about a month for 99cent Margarita night at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants. She had been wanting to take me out for my birthday. We finally had a kid free night together and decided to go. We both got there and ate chips and had dinner and our drinks. We had an absolute blast!! By our second margarita, I was slurring my words a bit and her hand motions were getting bigger and bigger. I said, "This is too funny! This place is crowded and these tables are pretty close. What must people be thinking of us as we sit here with our margaritas, laughing, and talking loudly about God?" We had been sharing our testimonies and daily struggles with being parents and raising them with faith, laughing the whole time. She replied, "Honey, Jesus made that water into wine! You know He wanted them to have a good time!" I laughed so hard! We ended up staying for 3 hours, talking away. I only had 2 drinks though. By the time we left we were both sobered up. On the drive home I had to stop and think when the last time was that I had an evening out with no kids at all. It has been about 6 months since my daughter stopped going to her Dad's every other weekend. I think it had been at least that long! I resolved to go out with friends like that at least once a month. Everyone needs to recharge, right?
When I got home my youngest son yelled, "Hi, Mom!" as he ran by me. He was intent on the game he was playing with my nephews. My daughter and my other son, that was a different story. "Mom, where have you been? We have been waiting for you! You were gone a long time!" My daughter had her hands on her hips and my son's arms were crossed. They meant business. "I went to dinner with a friend. I was only gone for 3 hours. That's not that long." My daughter's eyes narrowed. "Who was this friend, Mom? Do I know them?" I replied, "No, you don't know her. I met her at book club." She relaxed, "Oh okay." Did she think I was on a date? Boy, will it ever be a shock to her system when I do meet my man and start dating him!
It was good to be home. I took off my shoes and called my sister. She was telling me about her promotion at work. All of a sudden, I hear a scream and then my daughter comes stomping in the kitchen. My jaw dropped. She is standing in front of me, head bobbing and her little pointer finger was flying, "Do you know what he did? He was trying to get a blanket out of the cupourd by my room and I thought someone was knocking! I opened my bedroom door and hit my head! It's all his fault! I am so sick of him messing with me!!" She didn't just say this, she yelled it. I tried to keep a straight face. "Let me get this straight. By him getting a blanket, he made you hit your head?" I couldn't help it. I started laughing. Loudly. She shrieked indignantly and stomped off to her room saying, "No one takes me seriously in this house!" I was still on the phone with my sister. She was chuckling too. "Did you hear what she said?", I asked her. "No,"she replied. "I could hear that it was very dramatic just by her tone though. How dare you laugh, Hannah!" We were both howling at this point. "Oh geez! See what happens to my children when I start to get a life of my own? They rebel and I laugh!"
This is one of the things I struggle with, and I'm sure my kids do too. I am their only stability. I am also only one person. They each need a little individual time with me. I also need a little time to myself. There is only 1 of me and 3 of them. Those are not great odds. I do my best to spend quality time with them. I think I do okay. At times, I get overwhelmed. Who wouldn't? I work 2 part-time jobs, go to school full time, am a single mom and a foster parent. That's a lot. How do I do it all? Faith. I wouldn't be able to do any of this without God's grace and peace. He fills me up and gives me the spiritual and emotional strength to get through my crazy days. He is also preparing a special someone to walk this path with me. It will be nice to have someone to help me and love me and spend time with. I will also be happy to help, love, and spend time with him. Where is he? I don't know. God does. I am ready whenever you are God. Hear me up there? Okay, just checking. Just because I love and trust Him doesn't mean I am always patient. I am only human, after all!!
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