Today has been a crazy day! It was good to be back at work and into the routine again but it's not easy to go back to the grind after vacation. It helps that I love going to work! I got kids to school and then my youngest and I came home and ate breakfast together. I got in the shower and he waited outside the door, as usual. As soon as he heard the shower go off he started talking. Then I put on my robe and walked to my room and shut the door. He followed me and started to knock on the door, "Permission, can I come in permission?" I think that he is under the impression that when I am in a room with the door closed that my name changes to permission. That's okay though. We had to start having boundaries when I started having boys in my home. We have adjusted well.
I dropped my youngest off at the babysitter and went to work. Got off work and ran to the grocery store for supper stuff and my healthy eating staples. Then, I had just enough time to throw them in the fridge and run to pick up kids. When I got home the boys CASA worker was here. She visited with the boys while I did the dishes and started supper. My sister-in-law and nephews came over. They love my chicken and noodles. It's always a good feeling when picky eaters ask for seconds! We ran a few errands and then I was pooped. I was laying in bed by 8:30. I figured my daughter is old enough to take herself to bed!
I am just starting to close my eyes while listening to a program on PBS about the Dr who invented the lobotomy (strange choice I know) when my phone rings. My 'Funky Donkey' ring tone made my eyes fly open! Yes, I said 'Funky Donkey'. You have to hear it to fully appreciate it. It was my sister.
"Hello?" I answered groggily.
"Hey, so I've been thinking..."
"Oh, no. You should stop that!"
She laughed, "No, seriously! I think that you should make business cards with only the address of your blog on it. And maybe a cool background or something."
"Why would I do that?"
"So you can pass them out to people!"
I didn't think I was fully awake. She was not making any sense! So I asked again, "Why would I do that?"
"Well, so you can tell people about your blog. Don't you want people to know?"
"I think people do know. Didn't you see that I have a whole, whopping 4 followers?"
"Hannah, are you awake? I'm serious! Just today I was talking to one of my supervisors about your blog and I tried to tell her how to get to it so she could read it. I told her how much I like it and how much it has made a difference for me. I would have loved to have a card to give to her."
I sat up in bed, "Really?"
"Oh, Hannah yes! I don't know why you think that no one cares about it!" I could hear her exasperation and excitement through the phone.
We talked for a while. I told her the thought of being put on a pedestal really scares me. None of this is me. It's God through me. I'm just normal Hannah. She told me that her and my niece were talking and she said, "Mom, I don't know how anyone could be around Aunt Hannah and not be affected by her faith. You know just by being around her that she loves and lives her life for God!" My sister agreed with her. When she told me that I started crying. I said, "Thank you God for changing me into the kind of person that exudes your love!" I'm tearing up now just typing this. I didn't know how to take that, and I told her so. Then I said, "Oh crap! People are looking up to me!" She started laughing at me! "That really surprises you?" "Uh, yeah!" I exclaimed. "Why would anyone look up to me? I'm just a person! Who am I?" She could tell I was getting nervous. "Think about the people you look up to and how they affected you. Wasn't that awesome?" I replied, "Of course it was but I never thought I would be one of those people!"
She told me that I am in a unique position. She has never met anyone who has a relationship with God like I do. She said the fact that I am a normal person is what makes me real and what people want to read about. She does have a point here. I have been through a lot. I am a single mom, been in abusive relationships, dealt with the drug addiction of an ex husband, my Mom died suddenly almost 4 years ago, I'm a foster parent, had a tumor removed a year ago, and the list goes on. You know what the amazing thing is? I am alive. I am more alive now then I have ever been. It was life changing once I realized that there is an immortal man, who loves me unconditionally, almost irrationally, despite all my faults and not only says he would die for me. This wonderful man did die for me! His name is Jesus! How can I not blossom under His intensely loving gaze? All I want is to live my life for Him. For His glory. People can say, "I love you so much that I would die for you. My love is unending." But only God followed through with that.
As nervous as the thought made me, I agreed that she could make up the business cards. I want you guys to know, whoever you are, that I am just me. None of this is possible without God's grace. He is what keeps me going when my day is stressful. He's who I talk to when I'm happy and when I'm sad. My sister said that is unique, but that's a lie. It's not unique at all. Any of us can have that relationship with Him! Just ask Him. I promise you that He will provide it for you if you truly want to seek His face. We were made to love Him! So step out and be what He created you to be.....and instrument and testament to His undying love for you!
How do you like that? It's 11:30. So much for going to bed early. I secretly think that my sister called me to wake me up and get my brain going just so I would blog tonight and she would have something to read in the morning. She claims that's not the case but she was laughing while she said it. Big sisters can be soooooo annoying!! But, I love her. Sigh. Goodnight all.
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