Princess and Poop

I am so glad that my past does not define me! I was having a pretty intense conversation with my niece and I saw myself 10 years ago. When I picked her up today she was pretty hurt and angry. The thing is, I completely understand what she is feeling. We prayed and then she spilled everything that she was going on. I listened to her and talked to her and then prayed with her some more. Then, I told her some things that I had done that were just as destructive. I think that made her feel better. I told her that no one is perfect! But she is worthy of love and forgiveness. Thank God that we all get second chances. And sometimes even third and fourth chances. God is always there, waiting for us to come back to him. He doesn't get angry and not want to talk to us. When we are done doing the things that we think are making us happy, he embraces us again, sighs a big sigh of relief and says, "I love you my child! Are you done now? Let's do it My way." That kind of intense love is hard to comprehend sometimes. At least it is for me.

I think that is what's wrong with women today, especially my generation. I am totally including myself in this! We don't realize that we are royalty! We are daughters of the King of Kings. We deserve to be treated as such. We also need to respect ourselves and represent Him. I want people to know I'm a Christian because of my actions, not just because of the words I say. There comes a point when even the way you present yourself is different. It was for me. My sister told me one day that I had changed. I looked and carried myself differently. When I questioned her about it she said she couldn't explain it, but even people I talked to every day were reacting to me with more respect. She said it seemed that my close relationship with God even affected the way I looked. I said, "So, are you saying my God is showing?" Heehee! But you know it's true! People can see there is something different about you! It's an awesome thing. We cannot even begin to understand the depth of His love for us. But the little bit that I can grasp makes me fairly radiate I suppose!

I didn't always feel it that way. I have been in two abusive relationships. I just didn't feel that there was something out there that was better. I felt that I would rather be with this man that was hurting me physically and emotionally than be alone. I didn't realize then that I wasn't alone. Even on my darkest day, God was with me. Anytime I was scared or hurt I would cry out to Him, but I wasn't walking with Him. I used Him as a backup plan.

It has been almost four years since I was divorced. Yes, I said the dirty word. Divorce. No one wants to experience it. It was very painful, but also very necessary. I dated a little bit after that but then I just decided to concentrate on my daughter. I said I would NEVER get married again. I never wanted anyone to own me like that. Then, I finally answered the door. You see, God had been knocking for most of my life. I just wasn't ready to open it. When I did and started living full on for him, my life changed like you would not believe! I finally felt complete. He has been healing my heart since that time. I have been blessed enough to be around some very strong Christian couples. I know that marriage is not perfect but if you put God first, He can bring you through anything. I am no longer afraid of marriage! Thank you God! One thing hasn't changed though. I still don't date. God is writing my love story. He will reveal it to me when the time is right. I don't want to settle for anything less than what He has in store for me. After all, I am His princess!

Even royalty has to do everyday chores and raise unruly, younger royalty. My princes and princess are pretty entertaining though. This afternoon I walked up to the bathroom and was getting ready to open the door when I hear my youngest saying, "Poop! Come out poop! I am sick of sitting here and waiting for you to come out! If you don't come out on the count of three I am going to leave. One, two, three...........MOM!!" I was trying so hard not to laugh. I opened the door, "What?" He says with the most serious face, "My poop won't listen to me! It won't come out! We always listen when you start counting." Somehow I managed to keep a straight face, "Maybe your poop needs a little more time. Why don't you leave it alone and try later?" "Like when you send me to my room?" "Yes, honey. Just like that. Leave the poop alone and he will come out when he is ready." "Okay." (Seriously, who needs TV?) Then you know what I realized? I was that poop! Well, not literally Lol! God was waiting for me to come out of the dark place I was in so he could bring me to the light and the destiny he has planned for me. Sorry for the toilet humor but maybe it will give you something to think about the next time you are......well, you know! Oh yeah, I totally went there! If anyone reads my blog after this I will be surprised!