Oops! My God is showing!

Man, oh man! My kids are all in their beds now. 2 out of 3 went to bed literally crying and howling. I have the music turned up very loud so I don't have to hear them. I logged onto my email account and had a spam message from someone hustling birth control. "Too late!!" I said out loud. Heehee! I love my children, don't get me wrong. I will admit that sometimes I wished they came with a remote control.....rewind, change channels, volume control, and my personal favorite~MUTE!!

My daughter was having a very bossy and extremely dramatic day. The kids decided that they all wanted snacks. So, she went in the kitchen and became the snack dictator. I was waiting to see where it was going to go. You see, she can boss my 6 year old son. But my youngest, he is a force unto his own.
She says to him, "What snack do you want?"
He replies, "I like your skirt."
She smiled and asked even bossier, "What snack do you want?"
He puts the tips of his finger together in a mob boss pose. I'm not joking here. I couldn't make this stuff up! He replies, "I like your idea."
She is starting to get really nasty! "Don't copy me! What snack do you want?"
He stays calm. "I like your glasses."
She is screaming at him by now. "I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU LIKE!! I WANT TO KNOW WHAT SNACK YOU WANT!!" She is sobbing and crying.
This is where "Big Mama" has to step in. I say loudly over her screams, "Little girl! I don't know where you got the idea that you can talk to people that way! That is not acceptable. Since when did you become the snack police? How many kids do you have anyway?! Oh, that's right...none! So how about you go to your room for being so nasty and let me be the Mom?"

She literally stomped her way all the way to her room howling at the top of her lungs. I turn to my youngest son. He is smiling at me. He thinks he has won. "Don't think I don't know what you are doing. You wanted to make her mad and make her scream and get in trouble." His little face fell. "You see honey, I have a little brother too. I am wise to your ways. It is not nice to make her mad on purpose just because you can. Because of that you will not get a snack either." He runs to his room howling too. My 6 year old and I look at each other. He says, "I think I'm tired. I'm going to bed." And off he goes. Guess he figured he had better go to bed himself before I sent him there howling too!

Ahhhh, there I can turn down the music. They must have cried themselves to sleep. It is nights like this that I think it would be really nice to have a husband. Somebody to roll my eyes with at the kids drama. Someone to ignore them with me. I know, romantic right? Oh, it paints such a pretty picture. Okay, I'm cracking myself up....I must be tired!

Seriously though, even though I have my God and my kids and awesome friends and family, I do long for my husband. Not just any old husband, but mine. God has him all lined up for me. We are making our way towards each other. You never know, I might see him and talk to him every day. But I won't know him for who he is until the time is right. I know that some people might not understand that but God made a promise to me about my husband. The one thing that I can count on in this life is that He will keep his promises. Awesome things are going to happen! I could date, if I wanted. But why should I waste my time? No other man could compare to the man that God chose specifically for me. I don't want you to think that I'm setting myself up here. I don't expect him to be perfect. But he will be perfect for me. He will love my daughter and foster kids like I do. He will love me and all the ridiculous things that make me unique. God is planning my love story. I have settled for something less before. I won't do it again.

Waiting isn't easy, but there is sweetness in it. Loneliness is a lie. I am never alone. God is with me always. Sometimes I do feel lonely though. I am not a saint after all! I have found ways to deal with it though. I sleep with four pillows on my queen sized bed. It's not very often anymore that I do get to feeling that way but when I do, it seems to be at night. Before I was really walking with Him, I would boohoo. Call my friends. Cry myself to sleep. But now, I press into God. I talk to Him. "God, I am lonely. I know you are with me but you aren't sitting right in front of me. You can't hug me. Can You please be with me and lift this feeling from me? I love You and I'm willing to wait. I want what You want for me. I don't want anyone but the man that You ordained for me. But, can You please send him soon? I think I'm ready. And if I'm not, make me ready. I don't want him to have to pay for the things that others have done to me. If I am harboring hurt, heal me from it. Make me whole. Make me into the woman You want me to be."

When I fully gave my life over to Him, I started conducting myself as a married woman. There is reason behind that. Until God chooses to give my heart away, it completely belongs to Him. There is a quote that says, "A woman's heart should be so fully hidden in God that any man who wants to win it has to find Him." That's how I want to be. So, that's why I don't date.

A new friend and I were talking. I don't know how we got on the subject but she asked if I was seeing anyone. My reply surprised her. She asked my why I don't date? I think secretly she might have thought something was wrong with me. When I explained to her why, she relaxed. It made sense. This is another one of those things that is right for me, but not necessarily for everyone. I did my share of dating. I don't think it's horrible. I will date my husband after all. We won't just meet each other one week and then get hitched the next! Although.......Okay, okay I'm just joking. Jeesh! I'm going to get another late night phone call from my sister talking like that!

So all you single sisters take it from me! There is life after divorce and single motherhood. I haven't reached the other side of it but I will. In the meantime, I'm not just sitting around pining and waiting for Mr Right. I have an incredible life. I have awesome friends. God is using me right where I am and he will use me after I'm married too. This is the sweetness in the waiting. I will look back at this time with fondness. Especially if my husband snores! I will think back on my big, empty and silent bed with real longing! Heehee! Okay, now I know I am tired. I will leave you with this though. When you are feeling lonely and need someone to talk to, reach out to Him. If you press into relationship with God, he will draw closer to You as well. All He is waiting for is for us to ask. Be careful though. Being in His presence is addictive! Pretty soon you will be like me.....you God will be showing too! Get it, like a bra strap or something. Oh, let me quit. Goodnight you guys!